- they are born from mushrooms (yoblin mamas)
- they are all male, nearly identical, and confused by vaginas
- they constantly shed spores to make more yoblin mamas
- they eat yoblin mamas when the find them
- there are still so many of these fucking mushrooms that yoblins are constantly spawning
- baby yoblins occupy the exact same ecological niche as rats
- everyone hates baby yoblins
- they are immune to disease
things you should know about yoblin culture
- filthiness is next to godliness
- trash is wealth
- yoblins are terrified of baths
- the richest yoblins live in the most squalor
- the poorest yoblins live up higher, and are forced to use cleaner, upstream water
- the lowest (most affluent) parts of yoblin cities are cesspools called "filth libraries"
things you should know about yoblin dreams
- they all dream of the wizard who stamped himself on their dna
- they expect his return any day now
1-10 shitty neighborhood
11-20 middle class neighborhood
21-30 high class neighboorhood
you can also roll a d20 + whatever to figure out neighborhoods that are both
30 exteriors
- flies
- stink cloud
- pool of muddy water
- entire front faces of house crumbling away
- giant hole dug in the street
- poorly disguised pit trap in front of door (spikes on bottom)
- signs of rockfall (from 10,000' above)
- graffiti (“When I find the clean bastard who stole my poop I'll eat his eyes.”)
- graffiti (“Long live the gladiators!”)
- graffiti (“I waited for you for 2 hours. It's in the outhouse.")
- broken masonry
- dead cats hang from wall
- baby yoblins in cages
- mushroom infestation (1d6 rabid baby yoblins)
- diseased, leering goat (it bites) tied up
- mangy dog alternatively snaps at you and chews its own tail
- door half-buried in mud outside
- graffiti (“Skree has a mother and never farts.”)
- graffiti (“This is not Mungo's house.”)
- graffiti (“Vandalism enriches our neighborhoods.”)
- cleanly picked yoblin bones
- outdoor compost heap, crawling with worms and baby yoblins
- window planter boxes filled with vomit
- unfashionably tidy pile of excrement
- emaciated, cow tied up out front, driven omnivorous from hunger
- very fashionable open cesspool, 1d3 jealous neighbors standing around
- pile of dead animals with 1d6 young yoblins playing on it
- graffiti (“Stop stealing my precious filth, you assholes.”)
- graffiti (“[illegible] builds strong bones. I eat it every day.”)
- graffiti (“Throw the king in the arena!”)
30 interiors (75% chance of being home)
You can also mix-and-match by
rolling for contents and goblins separately
- filled with broken glass and torn paper (goblin with bloody feet warns visitors away)
- pile of boxes has collapsed (trapping 1d3 panicked goblins inside)
- flat stone doubles as bed and table (1d4 goblins passed out in a pile of their own vomit)
- furniture pushed to wall, floor covered in oil (1d3+1 goblins fighting over a dead goat)
- mildewed books, 10% of a usable spellbook (goblin taking a huge shit in the corner)
- filled with rubble and sticks, hole in wall to neighbor's (1d3 goblins repairing it)
- stacked floor to ceiling with old shoes, clothing, dirt (1d3 goblins buying/selling clothes)
- entire floor in just a compost heap (1d2 goblins trawling for bugs and slugs)
- infested with yoblin mamas and broken furniture (1d6 rabid baby yoblins eating adult inside)
- filled with 100s of rocks (1d6 yoblins fighting over living arrangements)
- bookcase filled with poops block the door (3 HD carrion crawler eating a goblin inside)
- butcher shop, 2d6 fried things-on-a-stick: baby goblins, rats (1d3 beefy, blood-covered goblins)
- somehow dragged a statue in here, now sinking in mud (1d6 goblins fretting about statue)
- stool, three legged table, fly-covered “salad” (1 goblin face down in his dinner, unmoving)
- decorative plates caked with fashionable vomit (1d3 goblins ganging up on a smaller one)
- featherless, eyeless cave chickens (1 obese goblin farts loudly from hidden interior)
- moldy pillows, blankets, dozens of calendars (2d6 goblins sleeping in a heap)
- home made hot tub: fire, mud, water, "hot dogs", buckets (1d6 goblins partying)
- plow, 3 dog cages, rotting cabbages, dead horse (1d6 goblins beating horse with sticks)
- piles of rotten lumber (1d4 goblins freaking out about 1 HD spider hidden somewhere in room)
- round mounds of purple mud, sculpted and smoothed (fat goblin being dressed by 1d4 minions)
- broken chairs, pile of candlesticks, pile of doorknobs (1d4 mercenaries playing cards)
- stacks of well-cut bricks, kiln, smoke, stench (1d3 poopsmiths making bricks)
- benches, cauldron, stinking plumes of gas (1d3 filth masters experimenting with “ultimate filth”)
- table with ravine flowers, upside-down painting (1d3 goblins buried up to necks, apologizing)
- stacks of dead animals (1d3 grimacing goblins “making leather” by pissing on skins)
- mushroom grows from dead shaman, fetishes, dreamcatchers (1d2 shamans attending to corpse)
- idol of vega, filthy mushrooms growing from rug (1d2 priests intoning the liturgies)
- stone walls covered in chalk, calculations, table w/ bricks (1d2 bespectacles engineer-goblins)
- roll 3x for contents (filth merchant counts his money (5d6s) while 1d6 guards eat potatoes)
30 Yoblins
If you are clever, you can also use this table as Name - Occupation - Personality - Inventory. If you are killing random yoblins and taking their stuff, be sure to add 1d6-3 shit-smeared copper coins to each inventory.
- Twisp the poop scooper (rudely idiotic) – scoop, shovel, poop
- Rikko the rat tamer (staring, crawly) – wheel of cheese, pocket rat, towel
- Scormie the beggar (pathetic, sniveling) – crutch, save vs disease if he touches you
- Mungo the braggart (fat, bragging, confrontational) – cudgel, metal helmet, 2d6 friends
- Other Mungo the scrounger (lisp, bad leg) – scrap wagon, visible parasites, walking stick
- Totter the assassin (friendly, oily) – poisoned dagger, list with 8 names (3 crossed off)
- Scorp the thief (imbecilic, greedy) – pointlessly poisoned club, 6 crossbow bolts, nose ring
- Tergul the thief (imbecilic, greedy) – bag of caltrops, shit-caked dagger, hatred of Scorp
- Wriggy the plague bearer (diseased, grateful) – rags, knife, save vs disease if he touches you
- Mimasha the mud kicker (stupid, focused on her job) extra boots, map of the streets
- Torga the mud-pounder (delusional, terrified) – big hammer, several hernias, map of uneven roads
- Lunlu the baby catcher (stern, stupid) – net, knife, bag of baby yoblins
- Ubu the guard (belligerent, snoopy) – rusty halberd, bag of onions
- Ringro the ravine hunter (buff, paranoid) crossbow, rapier, volkergogs (goggles)
- Yeek the rag-stitcher (miserable, self-loathing, complains) rags, needle, thread, bread
- Norom the fisherman (cretinous, gullible) fishing pole, pointy hat
- Skree the lookout (always shouting, dumb) some string, piece of chocolate, piece of poop
- Togglo the shoe gluer (humble, mumbling) – bucket of paste, pig leathers, spade
- Yamek the shit-stirrer (intent, honest) – long paddle, waders, bottle of urine
- Raklo the thief (smug, curious) – 1 gold coin, big bag of poop
- Ulan the shaman (wise, greedy, smelly) bag of various skulls, gold piercings, shoddy tetsubo
- Imhoto the filth librarian (bitemarks, twitchy) net, book of nursery rhymes, flask of whiskey
- Pombo the idolator (desperate, foolish) 3 idols of human gods, map of surrounding area
- Ijit the foodmaker (smug, loves gladiators) 2 live cave chickens hanging from belt, bag of snails
- Blarg the gigolo (oiled up, slippery) bag of rat oil, lipstick, 25' of rope
- Shumlee the bartender (scornful, itchy) bottle of brandy, hangover, book of forbidden lore
- Mortim the dung cobbler (resigned, sarcastic) gigantic bag of dung, trowel
- Mork the inventor (shrieking, excitable, curious) – flask of oil, corkscrew, balloon
- Horko the watchman (sly, actually sort of smart) – garrote, 2 knives, poorly drawn porno
- Chukko the thief (greedy, ambitious) lockpicks, bottle of very good wine, extra money
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| this castle is 90% yoblin dung |
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| 40% completed? can I make up statistics like that? |
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| takes 2 to tango |
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