Mutant Dinosaur Generator

CLICK HERE TO GENERATE

Note: if you get an impossible result, such as an icthyosaur on land, it doesn't matter.  Make it make sense.  Your dinosaur fish now slithers along like a snake or something.

Base Dinosaur

1. Brontosaur
2. Stegosaur
3. Hadrosaur
4. Velociraptor
5. Dimetrodon
6. Tyrannosaur
7. Ankylosaur
8. Archeopteryx
9. Pterosaur
10. Pachycephalosaurus
11. Pleisiosaur
12. Icthyosaur

Head

1. Normal
2. Normal but with glowing eyes
3. Re-roll on base dinosaur table.
4. Other
1. Skeletal
2. Prehensile Tongue
3. Extra eyes
4. Extra appendages or wings growing out of head
5. Two-headed
6. Headless except for giant sucking hole

Interesting Feature

1. Radioactive Glow
2. Speaks with Human Voice, but is insane
3. Speaks with Human Voice, believes it is something completely out of context (such as a 20th century human electrician who is dealing with a rat problem)
4. Levitating
5. Psychic Powers
1. Telekinesis
2. Telepathy (only used to broadcast roars, but can pick up on thoughts and react intelligently)
3. Local Omniscience
4. Pseudo-Imaginary
6. Strange Materials
1. Metal
2. Bone or Skeletal  (Undead)
3. Clay or jelly (can turn into a slime)
4. Ghost-stuff (can phase through things)

New Attack

1. Robo-Dinosaur
1. Chainsaw Hands/Horns
2. Wrecking Ball Tail
3. Rocket Clusters in Shoulders
4. Cannon hidden in Throat
5. Rocket Head (ranged bite attack)
6. Rocket legs (2x speed + charge attack)
2. Freakish Muscularity (does 2x damage) (Google 'synthol muscles')
3. Genius Intelligence (18+ Int) and 1-4 random spells
4. Laser Eyes
5. Breath Attack
1. Fire
2. Frost
3. Acid
4. Lightning
5. Sludge (treat as web spell)
6. Rusted cutlery (slashing damage)
6. Infectious Bite (disease is microscopic offspring dinosaurs that swim in the blood, begin escaping through pores, and eventually tear the host apart)
7. Instead of teeth, has a rotary bladed mouth
8. Can split into subunits, like Voltron in reverse.  Each subunit is a smaller version of the big dinosaur.
9. Immortal.  Will resurrect 1 minute after its apparent death.
10. It's gaze can trap up to 1d4-1 (min 1) souls inside it's head, with a failed save.  Victims will fall unconscious and soulless until the dinosaur's head is broken open.  50% chance that dinosaur's head is full of angry ghosts.  Trapped victims are visible in the dinosaur's eyes, beating on the surface like a window.
11. Porous ribcage = dinosaur is actually symbiotic with a wasp colony.
12. Shoots eggs from its butt.
13. Prehensile tongue and swallow attack.  (even if dinosaur is normally too small)
14. Pillow-like consistency, immune to bludgeoning attacks.  Docile temperment, and will seek to hug people (until attacked).  People who are hugged for more than one round will be absorbed like an ooze.  Dinosaur is also pink and has big, cute, and has big eyes.
15. Fractal genitalia.  Save vs confusion for 1d6 rounds.  Those who fail will be unable to figure out what gender a person is for another 1d6 days.
16. Insane babbling = meme generator.  Save vs infection.  Those infected cannot talk except in sentences related to dinosaur's meme.  Meme:
1. Pie.
2. Shoes.
3. Sluts.
4. Cats.
17. Can cast invisibility at will.  When visible, has see-through skin.
18. Covered in spines.  Those attacking in melee take 1d6 damage.  Can throw them like a wyvern.
19. Transformo-dinosaur.  At will, or when at 50% health, can transform into:
1. Tank
2. Submarine
3. Jet
4. Another mutant dinosaur (roll a new mutant dinosaur!)
20. Vampiric.  Coffin is not a coffin, but is instead the nearest volcano (if a fantasy game) or abandoned blast furnace (if game is gonzo or sci-fi).  Drains heat instead of blood, leaving corpses that are permanently cold.  Is burning hot to the touch, and will damage people if grappled.

Complications (50% that any given random encounter has a complication, slash DM judgement)

1. Is actually a transformed:
1. wizard
2. prince/princess
3. some stupid animal like a dog or iguana
2. Has a howdah on the back with a bunch of maggoty corpses, one of which is carrying a treasure map and mechanical parrot
3. Is escaped from the royal zoo, wears a collar, and is worth a fortune if returned
4. Is an agent of the dinosaur god, and has been punished with mutation for its sins.
5. Eats garbage and maintains a huge carrion/refuse pile.  50% chance that the pile contains something really nice
6. Wants to bring back live food to its babies.  (Doesn't matter if base dinosaur a herbivore.)
7. Is part of a wizard's experiment.  Killing it will have repercussions.
8. Is on its way to the dinosaur graveyard.  It has been driven mad with cancer pain.
9. Is the patron dinosaur of a tribe of cannibal humanoids, preferably frog-pygmies.
10. Is pregnant with the sleeping body of Archdinosaur-Archdruid Famfaroo, regenerating his wounds.

Dinosaur Clerics, a New Class

 The Dinosaur God

By default, dinosaur clerics worship Tyroganon Ferox, the Paradox Lord of the Infinite Boneyard.  It's a misconception that Tyroganon Ferox is an evil god.  Yes, he wants to bring back dinosaurs and destroy all mammals, but he is also a stalwart enemy of cruelty, undead, and death cults.  And the mammal tribes who worship him are treated well, and some are even allowed to become dinosaurs themselves.

Tyroganon Ferox's still struggles to bring his children back from their extinction, and so his servants include pseudo-imaginary dinosaurs and shuddering time-paradox zombies.  In the hallucinatory jungles of Mar Maroo, his savage tribes protect and ride their flocks of almost-real dinosaurs.

The Dinosaur Lord of Impossible History has been following the present timeline very closely.  And although he doesn't technically exist in the current world--yet--his dinosaurs have been slinking along the timelines, devouring all the mammals along the unused timeways.

Few people realize how close they are to hungry dinosaurs at all times.  Tyrannosaurs lurk only a few months behind them.  Yesterday, ankylosaurs are angrily destroying their houses.  And packs of deinonychus lick their lips and watch you from only a few minutes ago.  Time travel isn't difficult, but the even travelling a few minutes into the past is dangerous, since you may find packs of sarchosuchus tearing up your kitchen.

Travel far back enough in time, and you may even bump into Tyroganon Ferox himself, who blocks out the sun while pterosaurs circle him crying out their praises.  His children have trampled your dead heroes into the dust.  The recent past is full of dinosaurs tearing down your cities and roaring triumphantly.

Listen, wizard, time travel is a bad idea.  The dinosaurs rule the past.  Sometimes paladins declare war on the dinosaurs, but it is a foolish battle.  The great warriors of the present cannot hope to do battle with billions of years of dinosaurs.  Their kingdoms stretch from yesterday to the earliest primordial slimes.

Tyroganon Ferox and his clerics, have the following domains: Time, Time-Paradoxes, Bones, Dinosaurs, Reptiles, Birds, Eggs, Bravery, Volcanoes, and the Return of the Fallen.

The Dinosaur People

The dinosaur faithful claim that dinosaurs went extinct when Pelusia Macrolactica, the mammalian goddess of hair and boobs, collided with the planet.  While Pelusia Macrolactica is certainly not among any of the pantheons worshipped today, the dinosaur faithful insist that somewhere in the depths of hell, a foul mountain of monstrous breasts crawls and lactates.  

Since the modern followers of the dinosaur god see themselves as inheritors of the dinosaur zeitgeist, they sometimes have a hard time reconciling their own mammalian natures.  Neither gender will willingly reveal their nipples, and large breasts are seen as shameful (and are usually tightly strapped down or disguised).  Pregnancy is obscene, and is never discussed (although sex holds no similar taboo).

The dinosaur tribes live in the deep jungle, and although they struggle against giant insects and pseudo-imaginary diseases, they are not savages.  The build castles of grass and mud, and launch themselves from wooden towers on pterosaur-skin gliders.  Though dead timeways, they bring a few dinosaurs into the world with faith and paradoxes, but these mighty creatures are easily defeated by wizards, who can dismiss them as illusions.

A few of the tribes half half-dinosaurs, formed from the blessed union between a human and a psuedo-imaginary dinosaur.  They are halfway real, and not as vulnerable as their mostly-imaginary progenitors.

The Dinosaur Clerics

Use the rules for clerics from your favorite edition, with the following changes.

- Same armor and weapons, but prefer armor made from giant bones and helmets that look like dinosaurs.

- Cannot be seduced or charmed by anything with nipples, even magically.

- Can calm down dinosaurs, reptiles, and birds (use druid rules).

- No "turn undead", but get "turn mammal".  Mammals with Int 4+ are not affected.

Changes to spell lists!  Most of these are just reskins, but some are unique enough that I've detailed them below.

1- detect evil becomes detect mammal

1 - protection from evil becomes protection from mammals

1 - new spell: explode egg

1 - new spell: detect blasphemy

1 - new spell: find volcano

2 - snake charm becomes charm reptile/bird

2 - new spell: hatch egg

3 - add spells: haste and slow

3 - remove spells: locate object and continual light

4 - new spell: summon illusory dinosaur

4 - sticks to snakes becomes sticks to compsognathuses

4 - remove spells: speak with plants and create water

4 - protection from evil 10' radius becomes protection from mammals 10' radius

5 - commune becomes ask the past

5 - finger of death becomes fossilize

5 - remove spells: dispel evil

Explode Egg

Level 1 Dinosaur Cleric Spell

The cleric touches a (live) egg and sets a duration between 1-3 rounds.  After that duration, the egg explodes, dealing 1d6 damage for every HD that the hatched animal would have at maturity, up to a maximum of twice as many HD as the Cleric.  Blast radius equals 2' for every HD of damage it does, with a save for half damage.  If the egg breaks before it goes off, it has a 50% chance to explode immediately, otherwise it's a dud.

Detect Blasphemy

Level 1 Dinosaur Cleric Spell

This works like the other detect spells, except it allows you to sense things that are out of place in time, and whether they are from the future or the past.

Find Volcano

Level 1 Dinosaur Cleric Spell

This tells the cleric the direction to the nearest volcano.  All volcanoes count as temples of their god.

Hatch Egg

Level 2 Dinosaur Cleric Spell

The cleric casts this spell while sitting on an egg.  After a minute of sitting and chanting, the egg hatches and grows to maturity in a minute.  It serves it's "mother" for 10 minutes per caster level, and then rapidly ages, dies, and turns into a fossil.

Summon Illusory Dinosaur 

Level 4 Dinosaur Cleric Spell

The cleric summons a pseudo-imaginary dinosaur (1d4+1 HD).  It has all the strengths and weaknesses detailed here, and a couple additional weaknesses.  Illusionists can dispel it with a touch, and the slow spell destroys it instantly.  Use your own random dinosaur table, because I don't want to write one.

Ask The Past

Level 5 Dinosaur Cleric Spell

As part of the casting, the cleric smokes some plants that have been extinct for millennia.  The cleric falls into a deep trance and their spirit travels to the past, where they query the dinosaurs there.  Treat this as a commune spell, except that it can only ask questions about the past and the ancient dinosaurs don't mind being pestered, and will give the cleric an egg to take back with them.

Fossilize

Level 5 Dinosaur Cleric Spell

This is just like finger of death, except that creatures killed by it are fossilized instead of just dropping dead.  A creature that was killed by this can be restored by stone to flesh.  If this spell is prepared in reverse, it can be used to turn ACTUAL fossils into live dinosaurs.

Dinosaur clerics start with some equipment.  Roll 2x on the following chart, rerolling duplicates.

1 - Triceratops skull shield

2 - Stegosaur tail flail

3 - Glider made from pterosaur bones (weighs 60 lbs, and you know how to use it.)

4 - Raptor feather armor (leather armor that is comfortable enough to sleep in)

5 - Ankylosaur scale armor

6 - Dinosaur Egg (1 stegosaur, 2 apatosaur, 3 raptor, 4 triceratops, 5 compsognathus, 6 ramphorhyncus)

7 - Apatosaur-skin sling with 1d6 petrified eggs (sling stones)

8 - Map of the world, 60 million years out of date

9 - Iguanadon thumb dagger

10 - Pleisiosaur skin armor (leather armor that is easy to swim in)

11 - Magnificent raptor feather headdress

12 - Raptor tooth sword (image below)

All clerics start with a mask that resembles a particular dinosaur.  This is their clan mask, and they strive to emulate that dinosaur's virtues

1 - Apatosaur

2 - Stegosaur

3 - Hadrosaur

4 - Velociraptor

5 - Spinosaurus

6 - Tyrannosaurus

7 - Ankylosaurus

8 - Archeopteryx

9 - Pterosaur

10 - Pachycephalosaurus

11 - Therizinosaurus

12 - Dunkleosteus