d20 More Magic Artifacts

I wrote 20 more artifacts.  (Here's the first batch.)  Some of them aren't really artifacts, but most of them are.  (Here's the first batch.)

21.  A black cube of basalt, floating 10' off the ground.  It is 5' across and hinged like a chest.  Anything placed inside it will be dehydrated (all liquids bursting from the seams of the cube as if from a juicer) and converted into an art object.  Rare objects and powerful creatures are converted into more elaborate (more valuable) art.  Most are easily transportable.

22. A mummified monkey's paw.  While you wear it, you will hear small footsteps trailing behind you.  No other evidence of a monkey will ever manifest.  If you leave a bowl of sour milk out overnight, the "monkey" will attempt to bring you a nearby object that you desire.  It has the same chance of success as a regular monkey of human intelligence would if you sent it out on a similar mission.  If the monkey would be successful, the item appears in your pockets in the morning.  It item doesn't actually move, it teleports along with the effect.  You must offer the monkey something every night.  If you fail to do so, you will take 3d6 damage as the monkey attempts to strangle you and the paw will never work for you again.

23. Tightly-wound scroll of Goxlagon (Ogremoch, basically), the primordial earth demon.  If dropped on the floor, it bursts open and the words spill out, covering the floor (up to 2500 sq. ft.) with thousands of copies of his name.  Anyone falling on the floor (even falling prone) takes an additional 2d6 fall damage as if they had fallen an additional 30 feet.  Actual fall damage is quadrupled.

24. Circlet of the Diplomat.  When you would be struck a mortal blow (dropped to 0 HP) by a sentient creature, time pauses while you two communicate telepathically for 2 hours.  After this time, the attacker (usually paused with their blade an inch from your neck) can follow through with the blow, or choose to do something else.

25. Telluric Dagger.  Reflects stars and nothing else.  When stabbed,  you take damage based on how far you are from where you were born.  Within a day's travel = 1d4 damage.  Less than a week away = 1d8 damage.  Less than a month away = 2d6.  Less than a year away = 2d8.  Longer than that = 3d6.

26.  Cones of Alternate Self.  Summons a version of you from another timeline.  The alternate version is fucked up in some one (gain a random disability).  You can control both characters, but the original will begin to painfully melt, taking 1d6 damage every turn.  ("What's wrong with this place?  What's wrong with your air?")  This is psychically traumatizing for you, and each time you use it, you must Save or gain the (imagined) disability of your dead clone.

27. Ring of the Fool.  When worn, your face becomes innocent and trustworthy (+4 to any roll that benefits from you being likable and trustworthy).  You die the first time you take damage.  You gain double XP.

28. Hand Mirror of Lies.  Whoever holds it controls what it shows.

by Cosmic Nuggets

29. The Hunting Sound.  There is a room in the Ziggurat of Khuum where you must never speak.  If you do, the Hunting Sound will hear your voice and begin to seek you.  Space is no obstacle.  You will hear it coming for you.  At first you will only hear it in the quiet of the night, but as it nears you will hear it more often, louder and closer.  It is a groaning and a creaking and a grinding and a certain murmur that sounds like muffled screaming coming from underground.  After 1d6+4 days, it will catch you, and it will pull you into its chambers through a fist-sized hold in the air.  It's a bit like a chicken breast being sucked through a keyhole.  The people of the Ziggurat use the Hunting Noise to assassinate their enemies, combined with exceptionally accurate parrots.

30 . Ambrosia.  A vial of glittering orange froth that confers the powers of godhood.  After 1 turn, you gain the power to cast firebolt at will.  After 2 turns, you gain the power of flight.  After 3 turns, you become locally omniscient (range 50').  After 4 turns you gain an extra 50 hit points.  After 5 turns, you become aware that this world and everyone on it is utterly trivial in the cosmic scale of things, and that every soul here is wasting their time for as long as they remain trapped in this banal soul-trap of life and 'death".  You spend the round stunned, telling your companions what you have learned.  Beginning on the 6th turn, you must make a Save every turn to resist the temptation to turn into a being of pure light and depart the universe forever.

31. Fossilized Angel Egg.  Blackened as smooth as oiled leather.  Hold it tightly to your chest and think bad thoughts about someone.  It appears in their stomach.  1d6 turns later, they spend a turn painfully regurgitating it (stunned for a turn).  On the surface of the egg is written a secret of theirs.

32.  The Enigma.  Defies description.  Attempts to learn more about it result rapidly results in madness.  All that is known is that it fits into a single inventory slot.  Best not to look at it too closely.

33. Ossuglop.  A thick wax that rapidly increases the weight of things (up to 100x).  No effect on organic material.  It is stored in a goat bladder bag.

34. The Sword of War.  On a hit, target must save or take an additional 3d6 damage.  If the target dies from this damage, the wielder must also save or take the same damage.  The sword is sheathed in a great and glorious red banner, which flies above the wielder's head in battle.

by Cosmic Nuggets

35. The Sword of Peace.  Deals an additional 3d6 damage.  Anyone who possesses it will desire nothing more than to seek solitude and quiet.  Anyone who interferes with this reasonable desire will be met with rapidly escalating violence.  The sword appears to be made of wood, impossibly sharpened to such a degree that the cutting edge is nearly translucent.

36. A set of three nearly translucent knives.  They pass through objects without leaving a trace.  When a knife is broken (they are as fragile as glass), every cut that it has made manifests as real.

37. The Sun's Eye.  An iron sphere that is perpetually red-hot.  When held in your bare hands, you can control the sun.  Position, brightness, proximity, etc.  When you gaze through it, you can see from the sun's perspective.  (This does not actually move the sun--it merely bends light in an ingenious way.)

(A similar frozen orb controls the moon.)

38. Space Grenade.  Resembles a bunch of needles jammed into a glass sphere, with a steel thread through the center that is pulled to activate the grenade.  When it detonates, all space within 20' is magnified 1000x.  If it explodes in a 20' diameter room, the room is now 20,000' feet across.  If it explodes in a 30' diameter room, the room is 20,010' feet across the center and 92' feet to the far side if you stay along the wall.  Visually, it resembles a strange lensing effect, and yet humans can safely comprehend the non-Euclidean space in front of them.  Objects are scattered by the expanded space, but surfaces are tessellated outwards to account for the new expanse of space.  (You don't get giant blades of grass, you get more grass.)

39. Ring of the Hallucination.  Resembles a reticulated band that continually crawls across your finger like a tiny treadmill.  When you wear it, you become a pseudo-hallucination.  The only real effect that this has is that you cease existing when no one is looking at you.  You can remove the ring normally, but only while you exist.  (Basically, you just vanish when you are alone, or when no one is paying attention to you.  When they return their attention to your location with the expectation of seeing you, you reappear.)

40. Wizard Egg.  When a wizard learns too much about spells, the knowledge infects and recombines inside his subconscious.  As his mind is eaten, newborn spells flee into the ether.  Occasionally, the runt of the litter gets tangled up in the wizard's physical matter and is too weak to escape.

Wizard eggs are laid by wizards who are in the late stages of wizard madness.  (This is not the strangest symptom.)  During the most exciting part of each session, the egg has a 2-in-6 chance of hatching.  (Basically, the DM says "this seems exciting, let's see if the egg hatches. It can happen 2x in a session if you really want it to.)  When an egg hatches, roll a d12 to see what it contains.

1. A minor magic item.  Roll randomly.
2. A major magic artifact.  Roll randomly.
3. A baby monster.  Probably trainable.  Roll randomly.
4. A swiftly growing adult monster.  Probably aggressive.  Roll randomly.
5. A sudden turn of bad luck.  The magic sword breaks, the dungeon boss enters the room, etc.  
6. A sudden turn of good luck.  The bad guys scatter, the dead PC wakes up, etc.
7. A lump of gold shaped like the wizard.
8. Cloudkill shaped like the wizard's face.
9. Everyone loses 1000 XP.
10. Everyone gains 1000 XP.
11. A spellbook full of mutant spells, based on what the wizard had memorized.
12. A living spell spirit.  It's basically a HD 1 pokemon.  It's friendly, and if the dead wizard was friends with one of the PCs, the spell spirit will inherit that affection.  They usually look like either a fishbird or a birdfish, with some of the dead wizard's features and personality quirks.  The spell spirit can cast one of the spells that the wizard knew, and its form is influenced by the inherited spell.  For example, a divination spirit might have enormous eyes and the wizard's mustache.  They each have 1 casting die.

by Cosmic Nuggets

Elven Revolvers

Gunpowder was discovered a long time ago in Centerra.  It just doesn't work anymore.

When they were taming the land and laying straight roads, they were also fighting the fire cults.  They won, as they always do, and the fire gods were sundered.  Some were gelded and boxed.  Some were driven into the sea and quenched.

You can still see some of them from the Victorious Coast.  Time and tempest have worn away some of their features, and only blasphemers claim that they are merely offshore rocks.

It was around that time when gun powder stopped working.

<sidebar> The only survivor of that is Lady Hellfire, the only volcano on Centerra.  Where fire and stone failed, paper prevailed, and she now existson the but should the treaty ever be declared void, it is likely that the last volcano on Centerra will cool. </sidebar>

not ornate enough

Elven Revolvers

Elves are loathe to ever give something up once it has been claimed.  The same is true for their firearms.

And so while the other races were cussing and melting down their cannons, the elves were figuring out ways to retrofit their pistols.

Elven pistols are baroque and highly personalized.  Each one is unique piece of art, and is worth a fortune to a historian.  They're also very functional--elven goods rarely break.

The pistol known as Charge Onwards Brave Horse bears only the slightest resemblance to a horse.  Mithril is used for the reinforced parts, but most of the rest of the gun is alchemically strengthened glass, stained a pale blue color.   It gives you +4 to hit.

One DM to another: I think guns are cooler than wands.  And anyone can use them.  I plan to give them out in place of wands whenever possible.

Elven Ammunition

In the absence of gunpowder, the elves were forced to find new propellants for their guns.  It was a welcome diversion, after the wars.  Like the guns, each part of the cartridge appears to be handcrafted.

We're still not sure what they used, but it is highly magical.  The ammunition is sorted into categories based on the shape of the shell and the type of note produced upon firing.  Note: while there are several variations of the "circle of dancers" cartridge, this one is the most common.

Casing: painted circle of dancers, tossing rose petals

Firing: brass horn chord, G# major

Effect: deep punctures that billow white smoke

Mechanics: 3d6 damage

Casing: engraved elephant, flayed

Firing: Harsh guitar strum, ascending, C#

Effect: Incandescent bullet burns path into retina for a few minutes

Mechanics: 2d6 corporeal damage, 2d6 incorporeal damage (actually fires two bullets, one ethereal and one material; enemies that can affect both are struck by both)

Casing: sculpted songbirds erupting from a mouth

Firing: clashing cymbals

Effect: Shooter appears to turn into gunsmoke, then dissipate

Mechanics: 2d6 damage and teleports you adjacent to your target (shooters also holding a rapier and trained in elven teleplay can make a free attack)

Elven ammunition is only ever found in dungeons or looted from elf lords, and only then in small amounts (1d6, maybe 2d6).  Its manufacture is an utter enigma.

Oh My God More Magic Weapons and Gumbeasts

lpeters (Liam)

Gumbeasts

Gumbeasts are sort of like single-serving hirelings or animals.  You immerse them in water, then they swell up to their full size.  They all the commands that they hear in that first minute, and afterwards behave as commanded.  If no commands are given in that first minute, they just sort of wander around attacking things.  They lose 1 HP every 10 minutes as they either dry out or slough apart.  Feeding them a jar of grease restores 1d6+1 HP.

They're also stolen from a thing that Scrap wrote.

Gumbrute
As a level 3 fighter.  Two fists hit for 1d6 each.  Defense as unarmored.  Only obeys orders that are suicidal (or at least highly dangerous).  Talkative.  Int 10.  Giant nose.  Brilliant yellow.

Gumhorse
Absorbs the first person who touches it, turning them into a half-gummy centaur.  Mechanically this is identical to being on an utterly obedient horse, except that it is much cooler.  Vibrant orange.

Trappy Taffy
This is identical to a mimic, except that a player can set it like a trap.  You need to show it what shape to assume though, or else it will create a shitty looking facsimile.  Like, if it tries to turn into credenza just on the basis of your description, it will be bright pink and have five legs and a row of eyeballs or something.

Gumsnake
Stats identical to a giant snake.  Cannot be given orders, and will instead just follow you around and attack anything that visibly threatens you.  Anything swallowed by the gummy snake takes an additional 1d6 damage, permanently loses 1 HD, and is crapped out smaller, permanently.

Magic Weapons

The Leveler
This is a sledgehammer +1.  Once per day, it can hit something and discharge both shatter and knock effects on it.  Whenever it gets a critical hit, the target takes triple damage and destroys the floor in a 10' radius.  If there is open space beneath, both the target and the wielder (usually) fall.

Chaos Mace
Whenever this mace +1 does maximum damage, roll a d20 to see what happens.

1. +1d6 fire damage and target catches on fire.
2. +1d6 acid damage and target permanently loses 2 AC (armor corrodes, scales flake off).
3. +1d6 electric damage and they become magnetized (-2 AC vs metal weapons for rest of day).
4. +1d6 ice damage and target is rooted until they can make a difficult Str check (free action 1/turn, or spend a turn making two attempts).
5. Target takes no damage and is instead healed for 1d6+1 HP.
6. Target must save or explode into a shower of coins (1d20 gp * remaining HP).
7. Target must save or begin vomiting up a bee swarm (stunned one turn, swarm attacks randomly).
8. Target must save or a random limb becomes incorporeal for 1d6 rounds (and you cannot stand on an incorporeal leg).
9. Target must save or age 1d100-50 years (negative numbers imply youthening).
10. If target and wielder both fail saves, they switch bodies.
11. Chaos mace turns into a toy rubber snake until the next day.
12. Target is sent to a random room in the dungeon / random building in the city / random hex.
13. All weapons in 100' are turns into chaos maces for 1d6 rounds.  After this ability expires, they all turn back and the chaos mace simultaneously switches places with one of them at random.
14. Target is sent 1d6 rounds into the future.  No save.
15. Wielder is sent 1d6 rounds into the future.  No save.
16. Target is cut in half.  Each half has half the HD and HP but most of the same abilities.  Any spells are split (not duplicated).
17. Target is inverted.  Their colors are reversed (orange becomes blue, for example).  They have the opposite goals and personality that they did before (and opposite alignment, if you play with that).  Enemies become friends, etc.  Except that they'll still probably fight you, because you just hit them with a mace, friends or not.
18. Mace teleports into a random room in the dungeon.  In that room, it puts itself in the most awkward place possible.  (In the hands of the lich, stuck halfway in a stone wall, etc.)
19. Target must save or be charmed by you.  This is permanent.  It immediately stops fighting, swears obedience, and will refuse to harm you (though it might run away if you keep beating on it, yelling over its shoulder that it will send you money).
20. The False God is summoned along with all of his angel-demon-clowns.  They will have a chance to argue their cases (whatever the fight is about) and introduce evidence.  The False God will then make the least just ruling possible.  The False God will disappear with a farting noise and the loser will be teleported somewhere shitty and far away.  (It is common knowledge that the False God always rules unjustly, and so instruct the PCs that they must lose the case if they want to win it.  The False God is not omniscient--far from it.)

Arrow of the Sun Killer

If shot at the sun, this arrow +1 will kill it.  Don't worry, it will be back tomorrow.  Functions as an arrow +5 vs fire creatures.

Grateful Dagger

Anything killed by by this dagger will rise 1 round later as undead (HD 1 zombie, usually).  They will follow their killer around and constantly speak their praises.  Like, if you do something impressive, they will all cheer about how impressive that one.  In unison, but not really.  They can be ordered to do anything you want, but they will not fight for you.

Blood Spear

This spear +1 does decreasing damage with each hit.  Each time it damages something, decrease the die size from d12 down to d4.  Beyond d4, it just turns into a handle.  It can be restored to full die size by stabbing the corpse of something that died in the last round, as long as that corpse has blood in it.  It can also be drunk to restore HP (as the die size) but this instantly reduces the spear to a mere handle.

Mimeblade

This sword +1 can attack like a normal sword +1, or you can attack your enemy as if you were that enemy, using their best melee attack against them.  (Same attack bonuses, same damage, but no secondary effects beyond that like poison).  You are basically fighting dragons with dragon sword kung fu, and slashing at golems with golem fist style.  See also: Mirror Shield, below.

Magic Armor

Mirror Shield

If this shield +1 is hung on a wall, it reveals whatever is behind that wall, sort of like a window.  It doesn't actually create a window--it's a scrying effect.  

If you possess both the mimeblade and the mirror shield, two things happen.  First, a mime-like glamour covers you and whatever you are wearing, making it look like you are covered in black and white paint.  Secondly, you can create a cube of force 1/day.  (10' cube, 5d8 HP)

Electric Armor

This plate mail +1 lets you cast lighting bolt 1/day.  All lightning damage you would take is reduced by 6.  If you are ever hit by an electricity, you instantly teleport to the source, and may make a free attack against it, if applicable.  Don't stand outside during lightning storms (unless you have a ring of feather fall).

Meat Shield
This shield +1 is alive.  It looks like a set of ribs spread wide, with a small eye in the center that lets it see what is going on.  It can protect the wielder and up to one adjacent person; whenever a protected person would take damage, the meat shield instead twists into the way and takes damage instead.  It has 5d8 HP and regains it the same way any creature would (food, rest, magical healing).  It lacks a mouth, but if you talk to it somehow, it will tell you its sad story.  It was once a paladin.  Now it is just trying to make the best of a shitty situation.

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