Boggies

In the scorned places of the wilds, there are many deadly and puissant beasts.  And then there are boggies.

It is said that boggies represent the innocence of nature, uncorrupted by the heartlessness of human society, and that nature produces boggies so that it can conserve more cruelty for other animals, such as tigers, which makes about as much sense as any other theory involving boggies.  Boggies sometimes carry boggy pox, a disease which infects the spells of wizards.

Boggies can form spontaneously when frogs accidentally fertilize fish eggs during a period of heavy rain.  This explains their features, which are a combination of fish and frog.

I drew this!
(Look out, Zak!)

That still doesn't explain the hands and feet, though.

Their spoken language sounds a lot like "bog boggy bog bog sprog moggy bog" which is why they are called Boggies.  The give each other similar names.  Confusingly, "bog" seems to be the boggy word for literally hundreds of objects.  'Bog' can be translated as 'cat', 'bohemian ear spoon', 'justice', and 'the feeling of jealousy when someone else has a bigger hat than you'.

Boggies are common in the Frogstar Peninsula, although they may arise in any temperate swamp.

Things that boggies often like: hats, polearms, shiny things, kindness, and being hirelings.

Things that boggies often hate: cats, swords, being dirty, cruelty, and waiting.

Boggies usually live in small daub-and-wattle cottages, but some live in little floating towns, anchored in the middle of ponds.  Boggies usually practice aquaculture (cultivating aquatic plants and fish for food) but some grow land crops, especially rice.

Boggies float on the surface of the water like ducks, and paddle using their feet.  When they need to sprint, boggies are capable of lowering their fishbutts into the water and accelerating to tremendous speeds, rocketing across the pond like a jetski.

HD 1  AC leather  Polearm 1d6

Move 12  Swim 9  Int 10?  Mor 5

Small - Like halflings.

Impenetrable Language - All attempts at understanding the boggy language will fail.  This includes magical and non-magical attempts, and applies to both written and spoken Boggy.  (Boggies can usually understand you just fine, though, and will happily communicate by doodling on the ground.)

People living with boggies can sometimes pick up enough spoken Boggy that they can understand the gist of a message, but they cannot explain how they understand, nor can they teach it.  (Scholars theorize that Boggy is a combination of a language and series of psychic context-signifiers embedded in the sounds/symbols, making it the first example of metalinguistics.)  Written boggy looks like lines of circles drawn by a preschooler.

Boggies are immune to language-dependent spells, unless they choose to be affected.  No jedi mind tricks.

Water Breathing? - Boggies cannot breath underwater.  Most boggies do not know this, and require rescuing when they start to drown.  These boggies will forget each time. (Boggies don't normally undertake long dives unless serving as a hireling and being asked to do Stupid Adventurer Shit.)  All boggies can hold breath 5x longer than humans.

I don't use alignments, but if I did, boggies would be Good.  Shame on the person that kicks a boggy.

What Polearm Does This Boggy Have?

1. Partisan
2. Glaive
3. Fauchard
4. Voulge
5. Halberd
6. Ranseur
7. Poleaxe
8. Bardiche
9. Bohemian Ear Spoon
10. Bec de Corbin
11. Military Fork
12. Big Pointy Stick

Six Boggy Villages

1. Round huts arranged around the chieftain's hut.  The chieftain is whichever boggy is heaviest, and they have a see-saw contraption designed to measure exactly that.  They want medicine; the current chieftain is sick from all the metal balls he has eaten (in an attempt to get heavier).  They can reward you with a swarm of trained fireflies (normally live in a glass lantern-staff, but can fly out an illuminate a whole room, or whatever you point at) and a loyal boggy hireling.
2. Floating village ruled by a strange blue boggy capable of casting illusion. They want someone to kill the local froghemoth.  They can reward you with a pair of giant gecko mounts (Climb 9) and a loyal boggy hireling.
3. Round huts clustered under an enormous mangrove.  They are ruled by a boggy with a truly enormous hat.  There are wild chickens in the area has swallowed the royal pebble, but they don't know which one (as all wild chickens looks similar).  They want you to retrieve the royal pebble.  They can reward you with a magic stick (everyone who sees it must save vs charm or desire to possess it) and a loyal boggy hireling.
4. Village of former magic users, victims of boggy pox.  They are ruled by a boggy in a wizard robe, wielding an imitation staff of the magi (non-magical).  They want you to carry a bunch of letters to their loved ones in a nearby town/academy.  (The letters are full of boggy script, incomprehensible to anyone but a boggy, but are helpfully accompanied by many pages of illustrations.)  They can reward you with 3 potions of water breathing and a loyal boggy hireling.
5. Village of boggies built half on land, half on a pond.  They're led by a tiny boggy who rides an enormous arapaima.  They have captured an evil wizard who attempted to enslave them.  They burnt his spellbook, broke his staff, and are now holding him prisoner in the center of the village.  At least 8 boggies are sitting on him at each time (they use him like a bench) and constant surveillance (since he is in the center of the village).  If you agree to take him to the local city to be tried for his crimes (which he foolishly bragged about to the boggies), the boggies with compensate you with a trained dancing frog and a loyal boggy hireling.  There is a 500gp reward for the capture of the wizard (whose name is Victorion), but be careful!--he is a tricksy one!
6. Village of boggies suffering a curse of lethargy.  They just lie around the untended fire pit, sighing heavily and eating bugs that wander too close.  Occasionally one of them is eaten by a panther.  Anyone who spends more than an hour here must save vs magic or be affected by the same curse.  The source is a totem dedicated to an ancient demon of sloth, which the boggies unearthed some days ago and brought to their village.  The mud-covered totem sits in the chieftain's hut (the largest in the village) and appears as an fat, sleeping man holding a pillow over his head.  Messing with the totem will cause the totem's protectors to manifest: 1d6 mudmen appearing each turn for 2 turns.  Destroying the totem will save the village's eternal gratitude, a victory feast, and the amulet of sleep from inside the totem anyone who wears it falls asleep and sleeps twice as hard, regaining double the normal HP from sleeping but not waking up until the amulet is removed).  One PC will also be married during the festivity dance, earning a loyal boggy spouse (who functions pretty much like a retainer, except for the good night kisses).

Boggy Boredom

Roll on this table whenever there's a boggy hireling and the party is standing around talking about bullshit instead of doing something interesting.

1. The boggy finds a gross, useless bug and puts it in your pocket.  It is not sneaky.
2. The boggy finds a helpful, magic bug and puts it in your pocket.  It is not sneaky.
3. The boggy eats some food.  If food is not available, will try to get some out of your backpack.  If you refuse to give it food, it will start yelling (and you should roll for a random encounter).
4. The boggy does something incredibly insightful.  If there is a secret door nearby, the boggy will find it, usually by taking you by the hand and pointing at the door while hopping up and down.
5. The boggy falls asleep under a table or something.
6. The boggy hides itself nearby, sneakily.  If the party is ambushed, it will be able to get a surprise round in.  It will come out of hiding if called by name.

Note: I rewrote the old post about frog pox.  It's boggy pox now.

Dinosaur Clerics, a New Class

 The Dinosaur God

By default, dinosaur clerics worship Tyroganon Ferox, the Paradox Lord of the Infinite Boneyard.  It's a misconception that Tyroganon Ferox is an evil god.  Yes, he wants to bring back dinosaurs and destroy all mammals, but he is also a stalwart enemy of cruelty, undead, and death cults.  And the mammal tribes who worship him are treated well, and some are even allowed to become dinosaurs themselves.

Tyroganon Ferox's still struggles to bring his children back from their extinction, and so his servants include pseudo-imaginary dinosaurs and shuddering time-paradox zombies.  In the hallucinatory jungles of Mar Maroo, his savage tribes protect and ride their flocks of almost-real dinosaurs.

The Dinosaur Lord of Impossible History has been following the present timeline very closely.  And although he doesn't technically exist in the current world--yet--his dinosaurs have been slinking along the timelines, devouring all the mammals along the unused timeways.

Few people realize how close they are to hungry dinosaurs at all times.  Tyrannosaurs lurk only a few months behind them.  Yesterday, ankylosaurs are angrily destroying their houses.  And packs of deinonychus lick their lips and watch you from only a few minutes ago.  Time travel isn't difficult, but the even travelling a few minutes into the past is dangerous, since you may find packs of sarchosuchus tearing up your kitchen.

Travel far back enough in time, and you may even bump into Tyroganon Ferox himself, who blocks out the sun while pterosaurs circle him crying out their praises.  His children have trampled your dead heroes into the dust.  The recent past is full of dinosaurs tearing down your cities and roaring triumphantly.

Listen, wizard, time travel is a bad idea.  The dinosaurs rule the past.  Sometimes paladins declare war on the dinosaurs, but it is a foolish battle.  The great warriors of the present cannot hope to do battle with billions of years of dinosaurs.  Their kingdoms stretch from yesterday to the earliest primordial slimes.

Tyroganon Ferox and his clerics, have the following domains: Time, Time-Paradoxes, Bones, Dinosaurs, Reptiles, Birds, Eggs, Bravery, Volcanoes, and the Return of the Fallen.

The Dinosaur People

The dinosaur faithful claim that dinosaurs went extinct when Pelusia Macrolactica, the mammalian goddess of hair and boobs, collided with the planet.  While Pelusia Macrolactica is certainly not among any of the pantheons worshipped today, the dinosaur faithful insist that somewhere in the depths of hell, a foul mountain of monstrous breasts crawls and lactates.  

Since the modern followers of the dinosaur god see themselves as inheritors of the dinosaur zeitgeist, they sometimes have a hard time reconciling their own mammalian natures.  Neither gender will willingly reveal their nipples, and large breasts are seen as shameful (and are usually tightly strapped down or disguised).  Pregnancy is obscene, and is never discussed (although sex holds no similar taboo).

The dinosaur tribes live in the deep jungle, and although they struggle against giant insects and pseudo-imaginary diseases, they are not savages.  The build castles of grass and mud, and launch themselves from wooden towers on pterosaur-skin gliders.  Though dead timeways, they bring a few dinosaurs into the world with faith and paradoxes, but these mighty creatures are easily defeated by wizards, who can dismiss them as illusions.

A few of the tribes half half-dinosaurs, formed from the blessed union between a human and a psuedo-imaginary dinosaur.  They are halfway real, and not as vulnerable as their mostly-imaginary progenitors.

The Dinosaur Clerics

Use the rules for clerics from your favorite edition, with the following changes.

- Same armor and weapons, but prefer armor made from giant bones and helmets that look like dinosaurs.

- Cannot be seduced or charmed by anything with nipples, even magically.

- Can calm down dinosaurs, reptiles, and birds (use druid rules).

- No "turn undead", but get "turn mammal".  Mammals with Int 4+ are not affected.

Changes to spell lists!  Most of these are just reskins, but some are unique enough that I've detailed them below.

1- detect evil becomes detect mammal

1 - protection from evil becomes protection from mammals

1 - new spell: explode egg

1 - new spell: detect blasphemy

1 - new spell: find volcano

2 - snake charm becomes charm reptile/bird

2 - new spell: hatch egg

3 - add spells: haste and slow

3 - remove spells: locate object and continual light

4 - new spell: summon illusory dinosaur

4 - sticks to snakes becomes sticks to compsognathuses

4 - remove spells: speak with plants and create water

4 - protection from evil 10' radius becomes protection from mammals 10' radius

5 - commune becomes ask the past

5 - finger of death becomes fossilize

5 - remove spells: dispel evil

Explode Egg

Level 1 Dinosaur Cleric Spell

The cleric touches a (live) egg and sets a duration between 1-3 rounds.  After that duration, the egg explodes, dealing 1d6 damage for every HD that the hatched animal would have at maturity, up to a maximum of twice as many HD as the Cleric.  Blast radius equals 2' for every HD of damage it does, with a save for half damage.  If the egg breaks before it goes off, it has a 50% chance to explode immediately, otherwise it's a dud.

Detect Blasphemy

Level 1 Dinosaur Cleric Spell

This works like the other detect spells, except it allows you to sense things that are out of place in time, and whether they are from the future or the past.

Find Volcano

Level 1 Dinosaur Cleric Spell

This tells the cleric the direction to the nearest volcano.  All volcanoes count as temples of their god.

Hatch Egg

Level 2 Dinosaur Cleric Spell

The cleric casts this spell while sitting on an egg.  After a minute of sitting and chanting, the egg hatches and grows to maturity in a minute.  It serves it's "mother" for 10 minutes per caster level, and then rapidly ages, dies, and turns into a fossil.

Summon Illusory Dinosaur 

Level 4 Dinosaur Cleric Spell

The cleric summons a pseudo-imaginary dinosaur (1d4+1 HD).  It has all the strengths and weaknesses detailed here, and a couple additional weaknesses.  Illusionists can dispel it with a touch, and the slow spell destroys it instantly.  Use your own random dinosaur table, because I don't want to write one.

Ask The Past

Level 5 Dinosaur Cleric Spell

As part of the casting, the cleric smokes some plants that have been extinct for millennia.  The cleric falls into a deep trance and their spirit travels to the past, where they query the dinosaurs there.  Treat this as a commune spell, except that it can only ask questions about the past and the ancient dinosaurs don't mind being pestered, and will give the cleric an egg to take back with them.

Fossilize

Level 5 Dinosaur Cleric Spell

This is just like finger of death, except that creatures killed by it are fossilized instead of just dropping dead.  A creature that was killed by this can be restored by stone to flesh.  If this spell is prepared in reverse, it can be used to turn ACTUAL fossils into live dinosaurs.

Dinosaur clerics start with some equipment.  Roll 2x on the following chart, rerolling duplicates.

1 - Triceratops skull shield

2 - Stegosaur tail flail

3 - Glider made from pterosaur bones (weighs 60 lbs, and you know how to use it.)

4 - Raptor feather armor (leather armor that is comfortable enough to sleep in)

5 - Ankylosaur scale armor

6 - Dinosaur Egg (1 stegosaur, 2 apatosaur, 3 raptor, 4 triceratops, 5 compsognathus, 6 ramphorhyncus)

7 - Apatosaur-skin sling with 1d6 petrified eggs (sling stones)

8 - Map of the world, 60 million years out of date

9 - Iguanadon thumb dagger

10 - Pleisiosaur skin armor (leather armor that is easy to swim in)

11 - Magnificent raptor feather headdress

12 - Raptor tooth sword (image below)

All clerics start with a mask that resembles a particular dinosaur.  This is their clan mask, and they strive to emulate that dinosaur's virtues

1 - Apatosaur

2 - Stegosaur

3 - Hadrosaur

4 - Velociraptor

5 - Spinosaurus

6 - Tyrannosaurus

7 - Ankylosaurus

8 - Archeopteryx

9 - Pterosaur

10 - Pachycephalosaurus

11 - Therizinosaurus

12 - Dunkleosteus