Secret Santicorn 2025: Two Forges

 The Forge of Yakul

Yakul was obliterated, and his temples were sunk.  Memories of the dead god were struck from the souls of men.  A heavy punishment was levied on Yakul, for he strove mightily against the Authority in the early days of the First Temple.

Yakul is merely a curiosity nowadays, and a testament to the strength of the Authority.  Even today, the obliterations still hold their force.  Learn a prayer of Yakul and it will vanish from your mind by morning.  You can walk among the ruins, and learn the history of the place, but knowledge of Yakul is evanescent.  It flees before the dawn.  The only way to remember anything about Yakul is to write it down.

And so the ruins have become a shrine to memory, of sorts.  People now go there and pray to Yakul in order to remember.  Others make offerings to forget.  Some of those who are struck by diseases of memory go there to be healed, and others go there to study them.  The unspoken rule is that everything must be written down, because among the ruins of Yakul, new memories are forever vanishing, while written words persist.

The forge of Yakul was discovered intact, 180 years ago.  The Authority destroyed the temple and obliterated its priests, but the forges were hidden in a mountain, and so survived.  But the same compunctions of that obliteration weaken the mind but also reinforce the written language.  And so it is that the forge of Yakul can now forge weapons into books.

You'll need a weapon, a book, and a skilled blacksmith who does not possess perfect mental health.  Each blacksmith can only use the Forge of Yakul only once.

When you successfully forge the weapon into the book, roll a d4.  If it doesn't make sense, go up to the next number that does make sense.  If *that* makes no sense, pick.

1. The book describes what the sword is best suited to doing outside of combat.

2. The book describes how the sword deals damage.

3. The book describes who would be best able to use this magic sword.

4. The book describes the conditions that empower the sword.

5. The book describes what the magic sword's goals are in the world.  Give it a random magic power.

How to Use This in Your Game

Your players have probably been finding libraries full of cool books since level 1.  This forge gives them a place that they can finally use those books.

If you want, you can limit this to spellbooks only.

Goblin Slop Forge

Why do you want a good thing?  Good things are hard to make!  It's much better to have a LOT of things QUICKLY!

Come to the goblin slop forge!  We've used our sniffentific methods to "ingest" lots of "data", so that we can quickly make whatever you want!  It's great!  We've completely replaced all blacksmiths everywhere!  (Sorry, blacksmiths!)

You no longer need to be good at making something to make it!  Which is great because we're all shitty blacksmiths and we can make swords ten times faster than regular blacksmiths!  That's because. . . 

. . .we know how the slop forge works!

The Slop Forge is super magical!  No one knows how it works!  We made the thing and not even we know how it works!  Sometimes we think that it's becoming self-aware, and might want to kill us, but that's okay!  We can make SO MANY MAGIC SWORDS SO QUICKLY!  We can make a sword FASTER THAN YOU CAN SHIT YOUR PANTS*!!!1!11

Here's how it works:

1. You give us a magic sword.  It doesn't have to be a sword.

2. The Goblin Slop Forge will "ingest" it.  I *know* what it looks like, but seriously don't judge us.

3. Using modern sniffientific techmogolies, the Slop Forge will "hallucinate" 1d4+1 copies of the magic sword you gave us through a process called "diffusion" because of how wet and loud it is. 

4. You give us the "tokens" (i.e. money) and we'll give you the magic swords!  Guaranteed* to be artifact-free!

If we smash more magic swords in there we can probably get more than the usual 1d4+1 that we normally get, but you'll need to sign a waiver**.

*A sword guaranteed**** faster than you can shit your pants, or the sword is free.

**Sometimes

***A waiver is kinda like a pig that only goblins can make.  Sometimes the forge blows up when we put a lot of swords in there, so we just kinda want to get your signature before you die.  I dunno, the boss is making a collection or something.

****Lol, no.

DISCLAIMER: MAGIC SWORDS GENERATED THROUGH "DIFFUSION" HAVE A 2-in-6 CHANCE OF BREAKING WHENEVER THEY ARE USED.  IF MORE THAN 1D4+1 MAGIC SWORDS ARE MADE AT A TIME, THE BREAKAGE CHANCE WILL BE HIGHER.  MAGIC SWORDS MADE THROUGH "DIFFUSION" ALSO PROBABLY CAUSE CANCER OR SOMETHING.  WE'RE NOT SURE AND WE'RE NOT KEEPING THE SWORDS HERE LONG ENOUGH TO FIND OUT.  

TAKE THE SWORDS WITH YOU WHEN YOU LEAVE.  DO NOT LEAVE THE NEW "DIFFUSION" SWORDS BEHIND.  THEY SCARE US.

Secret Santicorn 2025

This post is a gift for Ethaniel in a field of snow, who asked for a couple of special forges for creating thematic magic items.

GloGmas 2025: The Genius Legionis

Everything is alive.  Mountains, winds, the earth itself.  Even cities can dream.

But "city" is an arbitrary concept isn't it?  There is no clear boundary, nor any clear membership criteria.

This is irrelevant.  Everything is alive.  Everything strives.  Every collection of anything that has any sort of a shared identity.  Sentience comes from identity, not structure, and identity is not something that brute material can dictate.  We decide.

What is a human, except a collection of singular cells that dreamed themselves unified?

When the legion was founded, the genius legionis came into existence.  It is the metaphysical consequence of thousands of men uniting their wills under one banner--although it is equally true to say that the unitary will of the legion is the consequence of the genius legionis.

The genius legionis doesn't have an intellect the way that you and I do.  It is pure will.  It doesn't communicate with words, but with instinct and gut feelings.  It doesn't want anything except the shared goals of the group that it champions.  It is strengthened by recognition, honor, success, and sacrifices.

But the legion has passed from memory.  With their passing, the genius legionis has also dissipated.  But its home remains--a bronze eagle atop a tall standard.  The genius legionis wasn't made up of bronze, but it resided there.  And now that the standard has been picked up again by new hands, a new spirit stirs behind the bronze eyes.

Playing as the Genius Legionis

This is a character class.  One of the players at the table can play as the genius legionis.  As a PC, the genius legionis is a little unusual.  They don't have a body, except the bodies of the rest of the party.  They don't have a voice, except the voice of the party.  They cannot die, unless the party dies.

Around the table, this might be a little bit awkward, but I think it might suite some players who like a more background role.

I would also recommend that the player who plays the genius legionis be given a hireling that they can roleplay as.  A standard bearer--who can also be a porter, torchbearer, etc.

The Genius Legionis Class

The genius legionis can help solve puzzles by putting ideas in the heads of party characters.  They can't speak directly, but other characters can speak for them.  And like anyone else, they get one action every round in combat.  (This action is usually performed via the body of a willing player character, although some of them are performed "through" the body of their opponents.)

Starting at level 2, a genius legionis gets access to Stunts.  Most stunts are useful in combat and can only be used when certain conditions are met.  Each Stunt can only be used once per combat.

Template Bonus: Everyone in the party gets +1 Initiative for every Genius Legionis template you have.

A Inspire, Killing Instinct

B Shrine, 2 Random Stunts

C Trophies, 2 Random Stunts

D Battle Flow, 2 Stunts of Your Choice

Inspire

You can't speak, but you can deliver ideas into the brains of anyone else in the party, at any time.

Killing Instinct

As a standard action, pick a party member who hasn't dealt any damage to anyone this turn.  They get a free melee attack.  You roll it.

Shrine

The party can set up the battle standard and make an offering to it (which can be literally anything, as long as it is delivered reverentially).  The site becomes a shrine.  Within the shrine, party members are automatically alerted (via spidey sense) if any enemy enters.  The "site" can be a campsite in a wilderness or a small fort, as long as it is fully owned by the party.

Trophies

In an hour-long ceremony that requires a bard and a lot of mead, the party retells the story of how they killed a powerful enemy.  (You gotta roleplay this at least *a little*).  Then a trophy of that enemy is affixed to the battle standard.  Against a similar foe, once per combat, as a free action, you can grant an automatic success after someone fails their save, or turn a critical miss into a critical hit.

You can affix a maximum of 3 trophies to yourself

Battle Flow

As a standard action, pick an enemy or a group of similar enemies.  Then pick a party member.  The enemies will all attack the chosen party member.  They get an Int save if this would expose them to immediate, obvious hazards.  They get another Int save if they are human-intelligence or smarter.

Alternatively, you can use this ability to make enemies *avoid* attacking a specific party member.

Stunts (d10)

1. Don't You Die on Me

Useable only when a party member is Dying.  For the rest of the turn, all attempts to stabilize the Dying party member get +2.  All attacks against the enemy that last dealt damage to the Dying party member get +4 to hit.

2. Special Delivery

One party member can cast a spell into a melee weapon held by another character.  The weapon glows, gets +4 to damage and to hit, and delivers the spell on the next hit.  If the weapon isn't discharged in one round, the spell dissipates.  If the weapon misses, you can use your standard action to give them an extra roll, as per the Killing Instinct ability.

3. Overconfidence

This ability is only useable after at least 3 attacks have missed this turn.  As a standard action, an enemy becomes overconfident and missteps.  They get -4 Defense for the next round.  Useable 1/combat.  

4. The Cavalry is Here

If one party member is separated from the party, and they are about to die (i.e. in combat and within 1 hit of death, drowning in a pool, etc), you can roll a d6.  On a 4 or higher, the party can arrive on the scene as long as it is feasible within the fiction.

5. Gank

An enemy takes 2d6 damage.  Useable only when three different party members have dealt melee damage to them in a single turn.

6. Suddenly, a Rat

At the end of a turn where an enemy moves somewhere new, a random rat appears and attacks the enemy.  The enemy steps on a rat nest or something similar.  If rats don't exist in this location, a creature of similar menace appears instead. 

7. Irresistible Monologue

A villain capable of monologuing spends a round monologuing, giving the party extra time to move, prep, or heal.  You can use this ability at the start of combat before any hostilities have broken out, or when the enemy seems certain to win.  The monologue ends as soon as anyone takes an action that is overtly hostile.  (E.g. the enemy has a readied action to cast power word kill as soon as you raise your bow--they're not monologuing with their eyes closed.)  Only works on enemies that can talk.  

8. Last Stand

A character at 1 HP takes a full turn of actions, chosen by you (and with the consent of the character's player).  They get +4 attack and damage on their first attack roll. 

9. Swift Punch in the Throat

An ally punches an enemy spellcaster in the throat, dealing 1 damage and giving them a 50% chance of fumbling their spell.  Only useable when an enemy is casting a spell adjacent to an ally.

10. Glorious Charge

When the entire party charges enemies simultaneously, all enemies take 1d10 fear damage.  When most of the party charges enemies simultaneously, all enemies take 1d6 fear damage.  Useless against enemies that are immune to fear or enemies that have no reason to fear you (e.g. ghosts,  elder dragons, werewolves).

Describe how the glorious charge appears in the eyes of the enemies.  For example, you might appear as a flaming hawk above the party.

Merry GLoGmas!

This is a GLoGmas gift for antitime at Temporal Negativity  

I'm sort of riffing of their Five Fighters class.  They also have a functional little dungeon here.

Merry Christmas, everyone.

Eyes of Idola, Part 2

This is Part 2.  Here is Part 1.

Concept 1: Entering the Dungeon

Descending the stairs into B1, the party reach rooms that are dark, crowded, flooded, and don't have any apparent ways out.  Then after solving some simple training puzzle (for more complicated puzzles later), they open a door and enter B1.

It's a crumbling stone bridge across a huge gap.  The real floor is 20' below you.  No visible walls, the sound of water lapping below, stale seaweed stink.

Approaching the bridge and the undead archer across the bridge will audibly (and slowly) draw his bowstring, giving the party time to react.

Charging across the crumbling bridge will break it and send the whole crumbling thing into the dark water below.

There's also a safe way down like stairs, but players will probably look at the bridge before they take the stairs down a second time.

If they want to kill the skeleton archer on the far side, they'll have to find to approach from the other side, or do some tricky climbing.

Sketch 1

Sketch 2

I'm not sure what shape the big room takes, but it can be a hub room for the Area 1.  (I've decided that this is the public-facing side of the temple grounds.

Area 1 Hub Room

Other ways to enter the dungeon are the elevator and the sealed door, back in the Mouth of Mormo dungeon.  The elevator goes to the crypts.  The sealed door goes to the cloister/monastery portion on the far side of the juggernaut.

Concept 2: The Juggernaut

Crushed bones on the floor, scrape marks on the wall, and ceilings higher than your torchlight illuminates.  The wall is covered with a repetitive motif: warped men and women, all uniquely deformed, carry offerings towards Area 6 (Inner Sanctum).

Of in the darkness, a pair of eyes flares to life 12' above the ground.  Something huge begins grinding its way towards you.  Slow and first, but rapidly gaining speed.  Sparks flash where metal wheels scrape against the walls, illuminating a huge, rigid shape.

Up close, the thing is a stone-and-iron juggernaut, topped with an elephant skull, bound to the machine by silver wires.  A pair of red flames dance in its skull, focused on you with homicidal intensity.

Originally, the area 2 hub was going to be a flooded crossroads that the players would cross on a rowboat or something, and the monster (that is trapped in this zone) was going to be a blob or water weird, but after mulling it over, the juggernaut sounds more fun, and more accessible.

I know that this was supposed to be a water dungeon, but I'm rethinking the flooded rooms bit.  It's something new (yay) and it offers a new challenge (yay) but flooded rooms actually seem to reduce player options (boo) compared to dry rooms.  (This dungeon was also supposed to have the gimmick of water levels that changed with the tide, but I might take that out, too.)

Mechanically, the juggernaut behaves kinda like those big crushy-stabby spike chariots in Elden Ring dungeons.  Although the juggernaut is rudely sentient, not mindless.  (My toxic trait is that I don't think that anything in a dungeon should be truly mindless.)

Cross-shaped areas won't work anymore, we need a new shape for Area 2.  I have a few ideas but I'm thinking about making it triangular, with an opening on each corner and in the middle of each side, for a total of 6.

W goes to Area 6 (Inner Sanctum).

E goes to Area 4 (Crypts)

The two N exits go to the remainder of Area 2 (Cloister/Monastery)

The two S exits go to Area 1 (flooded statue hub)

The reason that some of them are doubled up is because the juggernaut likes to park itself in corners, so it can watch two directions at once.

Area 2 - Built around a square cloister.  Rotating statue puzzle is in the center (rotate the statue to unlock whatever blue door it is currently pointing at).  Scriptoriums, weird cultic induction rooms, and evidence that the abbot was up to some weird shit.

Area 6 - Inner Cloister.  Put all the high weirdness stuff here.  This is the conceptual climax.  Contains Eolalia the Forgotten (the lady of sand).

Area 3 - The Reef Beneath.  I'm moving away from cursed reef and more towards weird goddess of prophecy and mutation.  This area is going to be changed to a little town in the sea cave.  A few buildings on a rocky shore, with a bridge to area 5.

The Sea Cave contains a family of dolphins--some of the most evil creatures known to man.  (Sharks are beloved because they are simple beasts, but dolphins are all allied to the merfolk, and they delight in the murder of men.  They are intelligent enough to know their own magic.  They taught themselves to laugh like humans do in order to taunt us.  The only thing they prefer above murder is rape.)

The dolphins will family tackle people off the bridge, knock them in the water, and then a pair of dolphins will grab your arms and drag you down to the bottom of the save.  They can also squirt water to put out your torch.  (They can echolocate just fine in the dark.)

Area 5 - Ralupon the Red is here.  He believes that you are here because he summoned you.

Factions and NPCs

Ralupon the Red (Manamanian enchanter).  

Metal rings sewn into his hair.  A thin black veil covers his eyes while a huge pair of eyes looks out from a painted wooden “hat” that stands tall upon his forehead.  He is either a wizard, or very superstitious.  He carries a staff.  A small eyebat hangs upside down from one of his ears.  (Eyebats intercept the first spell cast at their wizard.  If they are lucky, they can reflect it.)

Currently a nest of giant starfish + an evil wizard.  They are human hypnotists, enchanters, and illusionists.  They are closely aligned with the Empire of Dathroya, the largest nation of the merfolk.  Most claim that they are their secret vassals.  (This is true.)

He believes that he summoned the party here by burning weird stuff in a fire for a couple of days, at the advice of his master.  (“That curiosity in your heart?  The greed in your belly?  I put that there.”)

If befriended, he can pay you, or teach you enchantment.  You’ll need to travel to Manamar to study under a master and get your spellbook, though.  (Seek out Shaymish.)  Shaymish isn’t a person, it’s a river.  The spirit of that river can teach you enchanting.

He is the son of Razubek the Bey, the guy who originally assaulted this place and killed the cult.  

Ralupon is back to finish what his father started.  He wants to claim the Chalice of Immortality from the Inner Cloister.  He will tell you that strong enchantments prevent him from entering the dungeon.  (False, but contains elements of truth.)  Offers to geas you to help with your resolve.  Will attempt a suggestion if he thinks he can get away with it.  (This isn't evil.  It's not even rude.  It's practical.  Still intends to pay you when you're done.)

When the party meets him, he'll be sitting on a crown of thorns (Giant starfish, stats as ogre) but there is no puppeteer tentacle up his butt.  The giant starfish actually serves him.  If combat breaks out, two more giant starfish burst from where they were burrowed, nearby.  The stars serve him--or maybe he serves the mind stars.

Friendly guy, but the enchanters of Manamar grow up in an environment where love potions are considered completely normal facts of life.  Everyone enchants everyone all the time, for all sorts of reasons.  Because of this, most of his normal behavior (enchanting people) would be considered evil by most civilized people.

He smiles and wishes you well, and he genuinely means it, but he'll never shake your hand.  (Too risky.)  Nor will he ever let you within 10' of him.

Makes a good stew though.

Eolalia the Forgotten

Lives in the Inner Sanctum, wants you to kill Ralupon, destroy the merfolk ghouls that still linger her, and restore the wards.  Will reward you with the chalice of immortality (very reluctantly) and teach you how to be a cleric of Idola.  Long term, she also wants you to find the surviving members of the Idolan cult and convince them to make her human again.

Lives in the inner sanctum, which is completely covered with words.  Eolalia is immortal but her mind is not, and she forgets things constantly.  Because of this, she needs to write her entire history--literally everything she knows--along the walls and floors of the inner sanctum.

At first she wrote on the walls with blood (back when she still had blood) and then scratches.  But now her body is too crumbly to scratch the walls any more, and so she now writes on the floor with sand.  Every square inch of the floor in here is covered in minute sand writing.  A stray footstep would erase parts of her childhood that she would never recover.

Keeper of the Chalice of Immortality.  She is made of sand and can have a very normal conversation with you if you allow her enough time to read things off the walls and floor.

She is made of sand.  As long as she is touching sand, she will instantly regenerate.  (All of the rooms in the inner sanctum are covered in sand.)

The Mannikin

A paperclip maximizer demon thing.

Completely and utterly evil, but also completely focused on maximizing the number of clean and beautiful sets of clothing available for the Abbot to wear.  Cannot leave the a certain area (the cloister?)

Mother Narshay

One of the fully sentient undead, and one of the two leaders of the crypt.  

Wants you to kill all of the remaining merfolk ghouls (she'll know when you're done) and leave the crypts the fuck alone.  

Seriously, why do people keep coming into the crypts?  Its for the dead, not the living.

Salakhan Latsu

Huge, mad, evil ghast.  Distended, elongated, and twisted into a new shape that is better for grasping and swallowing than his living body ever was.  

Leader of the mer-ghouls.  Currently trapped between two portcullises in the BAD HALLWAY.  (This will be the first- or second-most difficult combat in the dungeon.  It'll be telegraphed well--the players can open this useful shortcut at their own discretion.)

(Digression: why the fuck are lacedons just regular dudes?  They should be undead merfolk ffs.)

Cloakers

I forgot they were here.  Led by Mwoheth.

Goblin Merchants

Hatchi Matchi and his "sons".  The goblin king commanded them to open up shop here for 7 years.  He had a good business tip.  (False.  Hatchi Matchi was sent here because he's annoying as fuck and everyone hated him.)

Grandmaster Grunky

Living frog statue that sells maps.

Some Secret Doors

Obvious Door, Hidden Switch

1. 

A round stone in the wall with a pair of holes in it, about 8 inches deep.  About the right size and height for two dudes to stick their peepees in.

One room over is a metal thing shaped like TT.  

This is a handle meant to be inserted into the two holes and rotated.  (You can achieve the same thing with three spears, if needed.)

2. 

Evolved version of the previous switch.  Now the pair of holes is in the bottom of a pool of water.  You'll have to try a little harder to get leverage.

3. 

Next to the sealed door is a doorknob inside a blood-soaked hand mutilation machine.  Reach inside, turn the blood-slick knob, and your hand is painfully removed.

Door is opened by pulling the chandelier.

4.

All of the bricks on the wall are covered with random words.  Print this out and give it to your players.

Except some of them aren’t nonsense words, and can be pressed to spell out “PRAISE IDOLA MOTHER OF WISDOM”, a phrase that is seen elsewhere in the dungeon.  Wrong piles = poison gas or something.

All of the correct tiles are directly above one another.  Once all of them are depressed, you hear a mechanism click inside the wall, something shifts at the top of the wall.  Not clearly visible, but the depressed tiles form a perfect ladder up to the trap door in the ceiling.

5. 

An inscription reads “The key to this door cannot be seen, though all can feel it.  It cannot be held, although all have it except for the dead. From your mouth produce the answer.”

The answer is “breath” or “wind”.  Blow into the hole (a little narrower than your finger) to open the door.

(Eh, this is a fiddly puzzle–put something non-essential behind it.)

6.

This is one of the rooms hidden behind the rotating statue puzzle.  To open the secret door, you need to actually close the entrance door to this room by splitting the party, having half of the party rotate the statue out of alignment.  This reveals the switch on the backside of the door that you opened to enter this room.

Once the secret door is opened, it stays opened, and the party can rejoin and go through the secret passage.

The secret passage holds some monsters to fight, of course.

7.

Maybe combine this with #2?  

Flooded room with switch underwater.  When flipped, all of the water flushes everyone into the next room and into a pit trap.

8.

A bunch of tiles covered with random objects.

A door has a symbol of an egg.  Press all symbols that hatch from an egg.  (Rooster, Snake, Fish, Frog).  

Another door depicts a knight.  Press all the symbols that are weapons (Shield, sword, bow).  The incorrect answers: Crown, Whale, Shepherd’s Crook, Jug of Water, Cottage.

(Rating 2/5 stars.  Kinda fiddly.  Too escape roomy, not OSR puzzly enough.)

Secret Door, Secret Switch

Secret/secret doors should only be used in non-essential cases.  They make good shortcuts to areas that can be reached in other ways.  This lets skilled players access other areas earlier (like the Inner Sanctum), allows them to go around monsters they don't want to fight, and lets them sneak up behind monsters that they do want to fight.

1. 

One of the giant statues is holding a treasure chest.  Find a giant key, unlock the chest, and you can crawl through it into a new area (or maybe it just contains treasure).

(Might make for a fun, simple AHA! moment when the party finds a giant stone key.)

2.

Fountain pipe comes out of the wall, and water spurts from a fish head.  Examining it reveals that the pipe connected to the fish head is pretty big.  Knock the fish head off and start crawling.

(For exploration completionists.)

3. 

Behind a mirror.  No clues for this one--you just gotta smash it.

(For exploration completionists, and vandals.)

4. 

The bottom of a pit trap.  The floor and 3 walls are covered in spikes.  The fourth wall is hollow.  One of the wall spikes can be rotated to open the door.

(Maybe too easy?  It's tough to tell.  Players walk past this kind of stuff all the time.)

Dwarven Gender, Continued

Remember that post I did about dwarven gender?  

If you haven't read it--you're in luck.  You can be just as confused as Podrick, below.

It occurs to me that dwarves would also struggle to understand human genders, and would ask us as many stupid questions as we would ask them.

So this is some fiction about that.

Some Dwarves Learn About Human Gender

Featuring:

    - Podrick, human, age 41, male, father of 2, knight of the realm

    - Snorri, dwarf, age 191, blacksmith, 3288 total lbs forged, total debt 2400 silver

    - Osto, dwarf, age 284, blacksmith, 5910 total lbs forged, total debt 10,500 silver

Snorri

Look, I don't want to be rude, but Osto says its not rude to ask a human this, but, eh, what are ye?

Podrick

Am I a what?

Snorri

Are ye, hmmmmm, are ye . . . a blacksmith?  Or a miner?

Podrick

. . . what?

Snorri

And don't say that humans don't have blacksmiths and miners.  I know they do.  I just can't tell what ye are.  No offense!  Of course.

Podrick

Er, I'm a knight of his majesty the king.  I've never mined nor smithed.  

Snorri

Yeah, sure, sure.  But what are ye really?  You got a bronze belt buckle but your boots lace all the way up.  Little bit of cross-dressing, eh?  I'm not against it!  No judgement here.  I know a few dwarves that enjoy the same.

But how were ye raised?  Did yer parents dress you in bronze buckles or did they lace your shoes all the way up?  

When ye were little, I mean, on your name day.  Not what ye decided for yerself later.

Podrick

Have you gone mad?  Explain yourself.

Snorri

Calm your heels, man!  I apologize.  Osto said that humans weren't shy discussing stuff like this so I thought I could ask ye without being a prat.  'Pologize if I made ye feel a bit tetchy.

Podrick

You asked me if I've ever been a blacksmith?  And then if I wore bronze?  Is this something dwarves do?

Snorri

Yes, but not usually at the same time.  *laughs*

Look, let's try this a different way.  When does your heart sing?  When yer getting something?  Or when yer making something?

I'm sure you've done both.  (Hell, even I've done both, but don't tell Osto.)

Y'know.  What was your body born to do?

Podrick

I feel most at home when I pray in the House of the Authority, before the nine icons of the Prophetessa (may she live again).

Snorri

*tugging his beard* Okay. . . hmm.  There are two genders, right?

Podrick

Right.

Snorri

And which one are ye?

Podrick

I am male.  I have--

Snorri

That's not what I asked!  Who cares about yer pisser?

Osto

*entering the room* Humans are always talking about their pissers.

Lad, why are ye asking the man about his pisser?  I told ye to mend the tent.

Snorri

I asked him if he was a blacksmith or a miner.

Osto

Humans don't have--

Snorri

Yes, they bloody do!  Who makes their armor, then?  Who pulls their ores out of the earth?

Osto

All of them do both.  Each one is 50/50, right down the middle.  The Authority saw fit to make them all the same.  Don't know why, but I'm sure it was done in wisdom.

Snorri

That makes sense.  Then why's he talking about his pisser?

Osto

*straightening his monocle*  Well, humans divide everything into field and seed.  It's because they're obsessed with breeding.  Breeding children, breeding livestock.  It's the accumulation of things, see?  Can't have money without cows to sell.  Can't have land without children to work it.  That's why they always pair off, a seed with a field, every time.

Plus, they don't have much time to breed, so they have to start early.  Makes sense when you think about it that way.

Podrick

Do dwarves always talk so coarsely?  I have children of my own, but their purpose is not to work my fields.  And my wife's purpose is not to bear children.

Snorri

I'm sure your "wife" is a nice lad, but if he were here I'd ask him the same questions.

Podrick

My wife is a woman!  She is referred to as "she" not "he".

Snorri

Why are ye bringing yer wife's pisser into the conversation?  No one's talking about his pisser.

Osto

Snorri, at least try to use the human's pronouns.

Snorri

Okay, I'll bloody well try, but I don't know if I can remember them.

Osto

Good lad.  You'll sound less ignorant when we get to human lands.

Snorri

I'll try!  But it's a bloody infuriating thing to ask of me.  Does this mean I don't know how to refer to someone until I know what kind of a pisser they have?

Podrick

*sighs* I'm going to go tend to my horse.  Good day, dwarves.

Snorri

Angels below, I hope I didn't offend the boy.  There's really nothing wrong with being half and half.  I'm not prejudiced!  I'm not.

Do you think the human thinks I'm prejudiced now?

Osto

Snorri, yer a good lad, but you ask too many questions.  Go fix the tent, and then I'll tell you about the two kinds of human bathrooms.

Snorri

What?  Two?  Do they expect me to go into a different bathroom based on what kind of pisser I've got?  That's none of their bloody business!

Osto

Nah, all dwarves use the bathroom for seed.  They all get huffy if you ever go into the one for fields.  Don't know why, but I guess only human pissers matter.   

Snorri

It's still another hundred miles to the human kingdom, huh?  This is a long fucking trip.

Damn, I wish we had some miners with us.

*not a Patreon post, just for fun.

A Dungeon of Your Own

Have you written your own dungeon?

Everyone should write a dungeon at least once.  You'll be able to write stuff that you like, and stuff that your players like.  You can make it as small or as large as you'd like, based on the length of your sessions.  If your group likes puzzles, then you can dump three of them in there.  And by the time you're done, you'll basically have memorize the damn thing.

And you'll learn all the things that work and don't work.  When you run a pre-made dungeon, you come away with a sense that some rooms were more fun than others, but it might not be clear why.  When you run your own dungeon, your head will be full of the all of the alternatives, and it'll be easier to come up with improvements the next time you iterate on it.

Reasons Not to Write Your Own Dungeon:

1. Arnold, I don't have enough time.

        Fair point.  Have a nice day.  

2. Arnold, I can't write a dungeon as good as published modules.

        Absolute hogwash; get the fuck out of here.

There's some good published modules, but there are many, many more mediocre ones.  One of the oddities of this hobby is that you can have a lot of fun with bad dungeons, as long as you're hanging out with your friends and cracking jokes.  As a result, there's not a lot of evolutionary pressure for dungeons to improve.  

Trust me on this one.  The guys writing published dungeons are not lightyears beyond you.  It's not like comparing yourself to a brain surgeon.  It's more like comparing yourself to someone who is good at making sandwiches.

And even the guys who do write dungeons well and playtest them haven't playtested them with your group.  Everyone is different, so make the sandwich that your group likes.

The Missing Chapter

Writing your own dungeon is a pretty big cornerstone of our hobby, especially in the OSR space.  There's so much other stuff written that it's honestly surprising how little ink has been spent describing how dungeons are made.

I'm not sure if these is because dungeoncraft is a field that is still in its infancy, or because there is no wrong way to do it.  (I'm leaning towards the first one, though.  I certainly notice bad level design in video games, but that's because I've played hundreds of video games and its easy to compare them.  In contrast, I've probably only run a few dozen TTRPG dungeons over my whole life, and there are so many other things distracting me at the table that I don't think I've spent as much time thinking about the topic.)

A few DM's guides have chapters on creating your own dungeon.  A lot of them don't.

A bunch of them have sections on how to stock your own random dungeon, with random rooms and random monsters with random treasure, which I think is absolutely insane.  Imagine if you went to video game school to learn to design good levels for an FPS game, and your teacher was told you to roll dice to determine how big each room was, which weapons there were, and how many enemies there were.  (I am not a fan of procedurally generated dungeons.  You can do better than random.)

I am damn certain that the level designers in Halo didn't roll dice.  They had a system.

The System

I suspect that there are lots of ways to do this, but everyone starts with a concept, like "tomb" or "buried spaceship".  Certainly better is to have a couple of concepts, like "poisonous tomb" or "musical prison".  

It's frequently good to frame things in terms of what they were, and what they are now.  (Dungeons are almost universally old places.  It's how we justify their ruin, isolation, complexity, and contents.)  Examples would be "tomb that is now a hideout for bandits" or "magical library taken over by goblins".

It's also good to have some friction between your themes.  Don't just pick things that align neatly.  "tomb taken over by a necromancer" is a little thin--it's doesn't inspire anything, although it's a perfectly useable concept by itself.  "tomb taken over by necro-artists" is a bit more interesting, since I can already think of a couple rooms.  How about "zoo taken over my a necromancer"?  Also fun.

"temple to a benevolent god of rot"?   Or maybe "underwater prison for a god of fire"?  A little bit of contradiction can generate a lot of creativity later on.

Prior Works

Once you have your concept, you can move onto the dungeon itself.  I found a few good blog posts on this subject.

Chris wrote a really good one, which includes advice on how to include teaching encounters.

Dyson recapitulates the five room dungeon, which is a perfectly serviceable way to make a small dungeon quickly while ensuring that you have some good variety in it.

Gus has an excellent one where he talks about dungeon naturalism, and gives good advice for writing room descriptions.

Lastly, I have the dungeon checklist, which is just a list of things that I think all dungeons should include (except for maybe the smallest, most specialized dungeons).

Other Considerations

It's also useful to think about a few other questions when you are beginning.

1. How big do you want this dungeon to be?

Or to put another way, how many sessions do you expect your group to spend in this place?  Some groups do 2 rooms an hour, others can do 6 rooms an hour.  (You should already have an idea of how fast your group moves in your game.)

I also know that when I write dungeons, they usually bloat by about +20% or +50% from my original sketch as I think of new things to add, usually after running it once or twice.

2. Is this a dungeon with a singular goal (usually a boss the party needs to beat) or is it something that can just be explored partially and then happily abandoned?

3. What do you want the split to look like between combat, puzzles, exploration, and role-playing?

4. Do you want it to be naturalistic (i.e. it's a dungeon in a monastery and it has a floorplan that looks like an IRL monastery) or gamified?

Next Steps

Some people start with maps, other people start with key rooms.  A few people start with factions and random encounter tables.

Starting with maps is very common, and is probably what I've seen the most.  

I do think that dungeon creation is iterative for most people.  The first map you draw probably won't be the final one.  You'll constantly correct and improve, especially after playing through it the first time.  The same can be said for your encounters, NPCs, and magic items.

Beneath the Mouth of Mormo

I'm currently writing the sequel to the Mouth of Mormo dungeon that I posted a couple of days ago.

I want something much bigger, complicated, and challenging.  If Mouth of Mormo is a beginner's dungeon, I want something for experienced groups.

Anyway, I'm going to try to develop it on the blog.  Maybe it'll be useful for some people.  I do think that what I'm doing here is definitely overengineering--you can make a successful dungeon with a lot less work.  I just want to try doing something ambitious.

Concepts

1. Temple to the second goddess in the pantheon.  Mormo's sister.  Mormo is the semi-benevolent goddess of mutation (the sea-change).  Sister is something analogous (except perhaps mind instead of body) or prophecy.

2. Continues the theme of the Mouth of Mormo.  A fallen holy place destroyed long ago by starfish and merpeople.

Map

1 - Flooded rooms, half-sunken statues, and locked doors.  Seems abandoned at first.  Connects to Room 20 in the Mouth of Mormo.  Puzzle required to open doors (put matching hat on statue).

2 - Flooded halls.  You need a boat to navigate.  Some large monster threatens this hub area, but is too large/enchanted to leave.  Eel swarms in water.  You'll need to find a boat to navigate, or find a rowboat in nearby area.

3 - The Reef Beneath.  Navigate around a huge reef.  Morays, crabs, fish-things.  Sleeping monster (don't wake it up).  Giant archerfish spit water to knock you off bridge.

4 - Crypt.  Skeletons seated in chairs, beginning their slow transmutation into a living reef.  Body horror.  History of goddess.  This is where the elevator comes down.

5 - Sea Cave with island in it.  Hard to Reach.  Boss area?  Temple of minor god.  Wizard is here, an ally of the guys who destroyed the dungeon, wants to hire you to kill/loot the place.

6 - Inner sanctum of the Goddess.  Starts out locked.  Boss area?  The woman of sand sits here writing.  She’s writing the whole history of the world on sand.  When she finishes a section, she rakes it flat and starts again.  Wants you to kill the wizard.  Sand = mirror = prophecy = illusion.

Each room has 5-20 rooms, except for Area 2 which is a smaller hub area.

Gimmick

Tides.  Room water level rises and falls.  Combat is worse when the water is higher

History

Was a temple and a monastery.  We need an inner sanctum, monastery bits, some public areas of the monastery, and a crypt.

Factions

Lady of Sand - Cursed remnant of old temple, still loyal.

Wizard in Sea Cave - Wants to finish destruction/looting.

Sentient Undead - Wants you to leave them the fuck alone.

Goblins - Wildcard.

Random Encounters

Drowners.  Ghouls.  1 Elder Ghoul.  1 Necrophidius (forces focus).  More Cloakers.  Giant Fish.  Dungeon Moray.  Dungeon Clam (contains pearl).  Two Giant Starfish.  Flying Worms.

Treasure

I'll do treasure last.  (I'm not lazy!  I just think you can do treasure last, since nothing depends on it.)

Revised Map

Okay, after a little revision I have something like this:

HALLS is area #2.  It's the hub area that has a guardian that cannot leave the area.  Somewhere in this dungeon, there's probably some weapon or tactic that lets you kill it more easily.  I'm thinking a giant water weird that is powered by a skull.  Turns into a couple of different animalistic forms.  If you manage to pull the skull out (trick it into running through a net) you can smash the skull with a warhammer for an easy KO.

BAD HALL is between a pair of closed portcullises.  You can easily open it to get a useful new path, but the bad hall is crammed with a shitload of horrible undead, so maybe you don't want to do this.

Room 2A has a rotating statue puzzle.  Whatever door the statue points at will unlock.  The rotating statue can rotate to unlock 2B and 2C.  However, there's also similar locked doors that lead to 2F and 1D and clever players will realize that the statue's range is unlimited, and that's how you unlock those doors.   Can also use it unlock a treasure vault door on the sea cave island.