d100 Minor Magical Items

UPDATE:  +Bill Logan did a beautiful conversion of this table for use in the BareBones Fantasy Roleplaying Game.  You can find it here.

CONFESSION: Items 51-100 are not new.  I wrote them yesterday and added them to the 50 items that I wrote today.  I'm sorry, I just really wanted an even 100.

All suitable for level 1 characters.

1. Wooden Spoon.  Carved with rune for "food".  When tapped on an inert organic or semi-organic material (wood, dirt) it turns that stuff into edible foodstuffs, although it will be mushy and unpalatable.
2. Amulet of Hope.  Shines as bright as a candle, but only when there are no other light sources.  Light points back towards dungeon entrance, vaguely.  Hums reassuringly when clutched, and warms your hand.
3. Orphan's Top.  Cannot be spun if there are any invisible undead nearby.  
4. Ring of the Adventurous Limb.  If worn on a hand, the entire arm will vanish.  It will return after 24 hours have elapsed.  Roll a d10: 1 - tattoo on arm, 2 - arm injured, 3 - gained a ring, probably a wedding ring, 4 - ring missing, 5-10 - nothing special.  It will have a similar effect on legs.
5. Dust of De-Appearance.  Can make things invisible, but wears off if the object moves, is moved, or even wiggles a bit.  Best used on inanimate objects or people who can hold really, really, still.
6. Paired Scrolls.  Whatever is written on one appears on the other.  Give players a 3"x5" card to write on, to limit how much they can write.
7. Statuette of Baal.  Can be "fed" gold to grow larger, adding to its.  Starts out the size of a gold coin.  Becomes more complex as it grows larger, adds features and companions.  If grown to the size of 100,000 gp, golden tablet reveals great secret.  (Does not create or destroy gold, just absorbs it.)  If grown to 1,000,000 gp, it will come alive and try to take over the world.
8. Book of Epic Boredom.  When reading, save vs sleep.
9. Black Cigarette.  When smoked, it creates a huge cloud of smoke and allows the smoker to see through smoke and fog.  Can be smoked for 5 minutes (or 5 one-minute segments).
10. Colorthief's Brush.  This paintbrush has a needle on the back.  If you prick something, you steal all the color from it, but can later paint with those same brilliant colors (stored in the brush, controlled by imagination).  If a book is pricked, it will steal the words.  The book can then be reconstructed, but it takes a few days of writing for it to be recovered.
11. Sleeping Draught.  Sleep TWICE AS HARD for four hours.  You get a full night's rest, but cannot be woken up.  Unwilling targets get a save.
12. Love Potion.
13. Exploserous Carnelian.  When activated, begins to glow hotter and hotter.  Explodes like a stick of dynamite after 1d2+2 rounds.
14. Mighty Acorn.  When thrown on the ground, immediately grows into a 20' oak.
15. Mechanical Torchbearer.  Follows the associated amulet, or whoever is wearing it.  Can hold 6 torches, and relight a new one as the old one burns out.  Looks like a mechanical spider, 5' in diameter.
16. Penguin tokens (1d6).  Summons an 80 lb emperor penguin.  On land, cannot do anything except waddle to where you direct.  In water, can attack as a 1 HD creature.  Is destroyed/killed if it takes any damage.  Reverts to a small (1") wooden token after 1 minute.
17. Saint's Bones.  About the size of a cigar box.  Contains mandible + some carpals.  Will rattle ominously when a lie is uttered nearby.
18. Amber Comb.  Any lightning attack within 10' is diverted to the comb instead.  If the comb takes 6 or more damage (it is not immune to lightning), it shatters.
19. Chewed Bone.  When chewed, it fills the air with the smell of delicious fresh meat.  This is strong enough to mask other odors.
20. Bottle of Light.  When swung overhead (a small chain is attached for this purpose) the bottle absorbs ambient light.  Later, the bottle can be unstoppered to allow the light back out again.  Can hold up to 5 rounds of light.  Special properties of light are preserved: moonlight can induce lycanthropy, for example.
21. Silver silk handkerchief.  3' on a side.  On the command word, it becomes as hard as thick steel.  A second command word reverts.
22. Silver silk rope.  As above, except a rope.  25'.
23. Goggles of the Clown.  When worn, everything looks like a clown, and speaks in a mocking, clowning voice.  It is very difficult to tell people apart.  You can barely tell a knight apart from his horse (which appears as a four-legged clown).  In combat, you must make a Wisdom check every round or lose track of which clown is which.  On the upside, you are immune to the beauty of nymphs and the ugliness of catoblepas.
24. Vial of Nightshade.  When drunk, it puts the body into a deep coma and ejects the spirit.  You can now roam around, incorporeal, until you return to your body.  There is a 1-in-6 chance each hour that some mishap befalls you (body possessed by outsider, soul lost forever, etc).  Coma lasts for 1d3 days.
25. Grinning Amulet.  Anyone who laughs--even a snicker--near this amulet must make a save or laugh uncontrollably for the next minute.  Careful, it's contagious--if a player laughs during this, so does their character.
26. Trollwax.  Tacky and unpalatable.  Anything that tastes it must succeed on a check, or be so disgusted that it cannot taste it again.  (Takes a week to fully leave the tongue.)
27. Cheater's Coin.  When flipped, it will give whatever result the owner wishes.  This is not limited to heads/tails--it can also give results of king, dragon, treasury, pilgrims, etc.
28. Boots of Independence.  When you remove these boots and fail to restrain them (put them in a pack, etc) they will walk back the way they came, all the way back to where you first put them on, with more-or-less the same cadence and sounds.  If you walked in a loop somewhere along the line, the boots will get stuck in the loop and repeat.
29. Tiny tree.  Produces three fat apples every day (enough to feed 1 person).  Must be watered with 1 cup of blood each day, or it will die.  If dead, can be revived with water.  Probably found dead/in a chest.
30. Skeleton gourd.  This gourd has a peephole.  Anyone holding the gourd up to their face and looking into the peephole will be paralyzed while their brain is filled with visions of dancing skeletons.
31. Ring of Petrification.  Putting this ring on will turn a person to stone, except for the ring.  Someone else can remove the ring, and thereby return them to flesh.
32. Party Book.  This book creates audible illusions imitating a party.  The state of the party depends on the page the book is opened to.  If the book is turned to page 1, you'll hear a couple people setting up silverware.  Middle of the book, raucous carousing.  Near the end, mostly snores and a few people taking shots.
33. Quiet Bell.  This 2" tall silver bell prevents all sound within 1'.
34. Palette of All Colors.  Contains 7 mundane palettes (ROYGBIV) and 1 color that is invisible to humans.  If the invisible color is painted on a wall, it allows people to see through it.  Can paint up to a 3' diameter spot, or 10 3" peepholes.  Penetrates no more than 6".  Getting it on someone's face blinds them.
35. Slimming Cone.  When touched to a creature, it instantly and harmless sucks out all the excess fat from them, ejecting it onto the floor in a big mass.
36. Grass Whistle.  When blown, roll for a random encounter.  If the location has no encounter table (some cities, maybe), the PCs will meet someone interesting who wants something.
37. Naiad-hair Ring.  50% cursed.  When worn, PC treats all water as if it had the consistency of a gas.  (Don't fall off a boat.)  Water is still unbreathable.
38. Ring of Swimming.  Wearer treats air as if it had the consistency of water.  You can "fly" by swimming through the air, but the air is too thick to breath.  Other water penalties also apply.
39. Belt of Cat Imprisonment.  When laid on the ground, felines are compelled to sit in the center of it.  As charm.
40. Endless Boots.  Cannot stop walking.  Will never tire from walking.  Cannot run.  Walk walk walk.
41. Spike of Woodland Suicides.  Sort of like a hunter's trap.  When left in the woods, wild animals will come and impale themselves on it.  A verdant forest yield 1d10 rations worth per day, but must be moved daily.  Fey will fucking hate you, though.
42. Salt Block.  Any food you carry will never spoil.  Doesn't have to be on your person.  Applies to a captain and his ship's cargo, for example.
43. Log of Alarum.  This 300 lb log protects those who sleep with their heads against it.  If they would be attacked in their sleep, the log has a 90% chance of waking them up (by making bird song).
44. Demonic Muffin.  When eaten, reverses your gravity for 1d6 minutes.
45. Everice.  Never melts.
46. Chest of the Mundane.  Anything placed inside it is covered with an illusion that makes it look worthless and boring.  Currently holding 3 peridots worth 10gp each.
47. Boots of Devouring.  Cursed.  As soon as you put one on your foot it starts fucking eating you like a garbage disposal.  Feeding it lots of booze causes it to vomit out everything in its stomache (which may include some treasure).  
48. Fox-in-a-Bag.  Sleeps all the time.  As soon as it touches the ground, it will run around like crazy.  Dex 18, AC as plate because of high Dexterity + foxy nature.  If you pick it up (good luck) it will fall back asleep.
49. Feather of Bravado.  When placed in a hat, it points in the direction of the nearest deadly foe capable of killing the PCs.  When placed in the bottom of one's shoe, allows them to run slightly faster.
50. Gossip Cookies.  Each one contains either a random rumor from the most relevant rumor table or "You will be killed by [random monster from most relevant random encounter table]".  50% chance of each.
51. A small silver figurine that, when given away, will return to your pocket after 1d6 minutes.  The only way to permanently get rid of it is for the recipient to similarly give it away before the 1d6 minutes expire.   (Alternatively, the original owner could die.)  Yes, this is great for scamming people.  Apparent value: 1d100 silver.
52. A rock that, when thrown, always hits its target.  Always.  Cannot do anything that you couldn't conceivably do with a really lucky throw.
53. A saddle that turns any animal into a horse when it is strapped on.  The horse cannot remove the saddle on its own.  Currently owned by a bounty hunter who is fond of riding his bounties back to town.
54. A key that can unlock any door, but cannot be removed from the mechanism until the door is relocked.
55. A mug that points the way to the nearest tavern when it is balanced on its edge.
56. An egg cup that can hatch any egg that is placed atop it.
57. A ring that gives the wearer a magnificent mustache/beard, depending on which finger it is worn on.  The left ring finger, for example, always yields a Van Dyke.
58. A ring that makes your eyeball pop out.  This is not a problem, and you can continue to see through the eye just fine, like a spy-eye.  Reversible if the ring is removed.
59. A ring that makes you invisible, but not your equipment or clothing.
60. An umbrella that allows you float downwards at 60'/round when open, negating fall damage.
61. Chicken Arrows (1d6).  On a hit, target must save vs fear (first arrow only).  If sat upon like an egg, quickly turns into an adult chicken.  Fletched with white feathers.
62. Bag of Infinite Manure.  Useful for campfires.
63. Wand of Necromantic Cooking.  Can enchant a corpse or cut of meat to cut, prepare, marinate, and cook itself.  A slaughtered pig will seek out gravy to roll around in.  Sausages will jump into the saucepan, and then seek out your plate when cooked.
64. Omnidress.  Can turn into any type of dress (can even imitate leather armor, but not metal).
65. Indelible Pen.  Can write on anything.  Writing is permanent.  Works 1d6 times.
66. Ring that makes the wearer appear to be dead and rotten.
67. Scones (1d6).  When broken in half, it erupts into 1d100 scones (10 scones = food for a day).  Alternatively, it can be eaten to restore 1d6 HP.
68. Wooden hand.  1/day, can turn into a living-but-disembodied hand for 1 hour.  Will obey your commands for the duration.  Str 1, can climb most walls.  Int 6, can see normally, but cannot speak.
69. Locket.  Woman's face inside the amulet always looks towards Meltheria.
70. Box of paired snails.  When one snail dies, so does its mate.  Normally used to send very crude, binary messages.  There are 1d6 pairs of snails.  Feed them leaves.
71. Hungry coin.  Cursed.  Will attempt to eat other coins that it comes into contact with.  Eats 100 coins an hour.
72. Armor of Glamour.  Looks like a fancy dinner suit.  Is actually a suit of plate mail.
73. Ring of Good Omen.  The first time you fail a save against a curse or other magic, the ring breaks and you instead make your save.
74. Prayer of the Seal.  When this sheet of paper is attached to a door or portal, it become locked (until the paper is removed or destroyed.)
75. Boots of the Aristocrat.  When you click them together, your clothes become clean, your skin becomes perfumed, and your hair is styled.
76. Cursed matches (1d6). When lit, the match does not ignite.  Instead, whatever the PC is looking at catches fire.  (Tiny match-sized fire.  Does no damage unless allowed to progress.)
77. Preservative jar.  Anything placed in this jar enters stasis.  Cannot hold anything bigger than a toad.  Currently holds a toad.
78. Library Box.  When a non-magical book is placed inside it, another of the same type will be found there the next day.
79. Monocle of Entropy.  If you stare at something long enough, it will fall over.  1 round for a candlestick, 1 minute for a sleeping cow, 1 hour for a small tree, 1 day for a cottage or large tree, 1 week for a castle.  Must be within 100'.
80. Girdle of Masculinity/Femininity.  Non-cursed because that's way more fun.
81. Stick of the Titan.  Hits for 2d8, then breaks.
82. Singing frog.  Knows 1d6 songs.  Good for a free round of drinks in pretty much any bar you walk in to, with only a 20% chance that someone will try to steal it from you at the end of the night.
83. Perpetual motion machine.  Utterly unremarkable in a world filled with magic, but still cool.
84. Seed of Moon Ice.  If dropped in a body of water, will "freeze" an area up to 20' diameter.  If swallowed, you die.  If touched, save or die.  Leaves awesomely frozen corpses that are not cold to the touch and never thaw.
85. Small broom.  When activated, will attempt to clean the dirtiest thing nearby.
86. Black cat, winged.  When you tap it on the nose, it enters stasis.  (This is why you found it in a treasure chest.)
87. Blindfold of the Spirits.  When worn, you can attack incorporeal things as if they weren't.  Also, you're blind.
88. Night's Black Windchimes.  25% chance of alerting you when you would be attacked during the night.  If one of the 1d6+1 chimes is broken in half, a refreshing (but also quite cold) breeze blows through the area.
89. Dust of Vermicide.  When thrown, does 1 damage to everything in a 5' diameter area.  Alternatively, does 2d6 damage against a swarm.
90. Sovereign Glue.
91. Universal Solvent.
92. Goblin cloak.  Invisible while in shadowy areas, but stinks like a mound of goblin shit.
93. Miser's Flute.  When played, all unsecured coins in 20' will leap up and roll after you.  They will follow you as long as you play, and as fast as normal running speed.  Uphill is fine, stairs are not.
94. Donkey Legs.  These wooden donkey legs can be attached to anything (but are not strong enough to carry literally anything).  Once attached, the thing will follow you around like a loyal donkey.  For example, you can attach them to a heavy statue and then have it walk itself out of the dungeon.  Donkey legs are as strong as two donkeys!
95. Giant's Ochre.  Anything painted with this pigment will double in size.  Washes off easily with water or sweat.  (If you paint yourself, it'll wash off after 1d6 rounds of sweaty combat).
96. Mask of the Jester.  Anyone seeing it for the first time must save vs charm or be compelled to attack the wearer.
97. Eye of Zin.  If this jewel is pressed into the forehead, the wearer's eyes turn jet black, they gain darkvision, and they are blinded by even small amounts of light (a nearby torch will blind them, for example).
98. Metal Eye Mask.  Wearing this mask obscures you normal vision, but allows you to see from above, sort of like an orbital satellite's view.  At sea level, you can see an area 200' in diameter, centered on the mask.
99. Pink Bead.  When smashed on the ground, immediately turns into a huge mountain of fluffy bubbles, similar in consistency to a mass of fused marshmallows.  Can cushion a fall or block a hallway or something.  10' in diameter, can be cut through with 6 slashing attacks, lasts 1d6 minutes.
100. Animate rope with the personality of a loyal dog.  50'.  Must be taught knots the way a dog must be taught tricks.

Art by Sergi Brosa

d50 Minor Magic Items

Suitable for level 1 characters, more or less.

1. A small silver figurine that, when given away, will return to your pocket after 1d6 minutes.  The only way to permanently get rid of it is for the recipient to similarly give it away before the 1d6 minutes expire.   (Alternatively, the original owner could die.)  Yes, this is great for scamming people.  Apparent value: 1d100 silver.
2. A rock that, when thrown, always hits its target.  Always.  Cannot do anything that you couldn't conceivably do with a really lucky throw.
3. A saddle that turns any animal into a horse when it is strapped on.  The horse cannot remove the saddle on its own.  Currently owned by a bounty hunter who is fond of riding his bounties back to town.
4. A key that can unlock any door, but cannot be removed from the mechanism until the door is relocked.
5. A mug that points the way to the nearest tavern when it is balanced on its edge.
6. An egg cup that can hatch any egg that is placed atop it.
7. A ring that gives the wearer a magnificent mustache/beard, depending on which finger it is worn on.  The left ring finger, for example, always yields a Van Dyke.
8. A ring that makes your eyeball pop out.  This is not a problem, and you can continue to see through the eye just fine, like a spy-eye.  Reversible if the ring is removed.
9. A ring that makes you invisible, but not your equipment or clothing.
10. An umbrella that allows you float downwards at 60'/round when open, negating fall damage.
11. Chicken Arrows (1d6).  On a hit, target must save vs fear (first arrow only).  If sat upon like an egg, quickly turns into an adult chicken.  Fletched with white feathers.
12. Bag of Infinite Manure.  Useful for campfires.
13. Wand of Necromantic Cooking.  Can enchant a corpse or cut of meat to cut, prepare, marinate, and cook itself.  A slaughtered pig will seek out gravy to roll around in.  Sausages will jump into the saucepan, and then seek out your plate when cooked.
14. Omnidress.  Can turn into any type of dress (can even imitate leather armor, but not metal).
15. Indelible Pen.  Can write on anything.  Writing is permanent.  Works 1d6 times.
16. Ring that makes the wearer appear to be dead and rotten.
17. Scones (1d6).  When broken in half, it erupts into 1d100 scones (10 scones = food for a day).  Alternatively, it can be eaten to restore 1d6 HP.
18. Wooden hand.  1/day, can turn into a living-but-disembodied hand for 1 hour.  Will obey your commands for the duration.  Str 1, can climb most walls.  Int 6, can see normally, but cannot speak.
19. Locket.  Woman's face inside the amulet always looks towards Meltheria.
20. Box of paired snails.  When one snail dies, so does its mate.  Normally used to send very crude, binary messages.  There are 1d6 pairs of snails.  Feed them leaves.
21. Hungry coin.  Cursed.  Will attempt to eat other coins that it comes into contact with.  Eats 100 coins an hour.
22. Armor of Glamour.  Looks like a fancy dinner suit.  Is actually a suit of plate mail.
23. Ring of Good Omen.  The first time you fail a save against a curse or other magic, the ring breaks and you instead make your save.
24. Prayer of the Seal.  When this sheet of paper is attached to a door or portal, it become locked (until the paper is removed or destroyed.)
25. Boots of the Aristocrat.  When you click them together, your clothes become clean, your skin becomes perfumed, and your hair is styled.
26. Cursed matches (1d6). When lit, the match does not ignite.  Instead, whatever the PC is looking at catches fire.  (Tiny match-sized fire.  Does no damage unless allowed to progress.)
27. Preservative jar.  Anything placed in this jar enters stasis.  Cannot hold anything bigger than a toad.  Currently holds a toad.
28. Library Box.  When a non-magical book is placed inside it, another of the same type will be found there the next day.
29. Monocle of Entropy.  If you stare at something long enough, it will fall over.  1 round for a candlestick, 1 minute for a sleeping cow, 1 hour for a small tree, 1 day for a cottage or large tree, 1 week for a castle.  Must be within 100'.
30. Girdle of Masculinity/Femininity.  Non-cursed because that's way more fun.
31. Stick of the Titan.  Hits for 2d8, then breaks.
32. Singing frog.  Knows 1d6 songs.  Good for a free round of drinks in pretty much any bar you walk in to, with only a 20% chance that someone will try to steal it from you at the end of the night.
33. Perpetual motion machine.  Utterly unremarkable in a world filled with magic, but still cool.
34. Seed of Moon Ice.  If dropped in a body of water, will "freeze" an area up to 20' diameter.  If swallowed, you die.  If touched, save or die.  Leaves awesomely frozen corpses that are not cold to the touch and never thaw.
35. Small broom.  When activated, will attempt to clean the dirtiest thing nearby.
36. Black cat, winged.  When you tap it on the nose, it enters stasis.  (This is why you found it in a treasure chest.)
37. Blindfold of the Spirits.  When worn, you can attack incorporeal things as if they weren't.  Also, you're blind.
38. Night's Black Windchimes.  25% chance of alerting you when you would be attacked during the night.  If one of the 1d6+1 chimes is broken in half, a refreshing (but also quite cold) breeze blows through the area.
39. Dust of Vermicide.  When thrown, does 1 damage to everything in a 5' diameter area.  Alternatively, does 2d6 damage against a swarm.
40. Sovereign Glue.
41. Universal Solvent.
42. Goblin cloak.  Invisible while in shadowy areas, but stinks like a mound of goblin shit.
43. Miser's Flute.  When played, all unsecured coins in 20' will leap up and roll after you.  They will follow you as long as you play, and as fast as normal running speed.  Uphill is fine, stairs are not.
44. Donkey Legs.  These wooden donkey legs can be attached to anything (but are not strong enough to carry literally anything).  Once attached, the thing will follow you around like a loyal donkey.  For example, you can attach them to a heavy statue and then have it walk itself out of the dungeon.  Donkey legs are as strong as two donkeys!
45. Giant's Ochre.  Anything painted with this pigment will double in size.  Washes off easily with water or sweat.  (If you paint yourself, it'll wash off after 1d6 rounds of sweaty combat).
46. Mask of the Jester.  Anyone seeing it for the first time must save vs charm or be compelled to attack the wearer.
47. Eye of Zin.  If this jewel is pressed into the forehead, the wearer's eyes turn jet black, they gain darkvision, and they are blinded by even small amounts of light (a nearby torch will blind them, for example).
48. Metal Eye Mask.  Wearing this mask obscures you normal vision, but allows you to see from above, sort of like an orbital satellite's view.  At sea level, you can see an area 200' in diameter, centered on the mask.
49. Pink Bead.  When smashed on the ground, immediately turns into a huge mountain of fluffy bubbles, similar in consistency to a mass of fused marshmallows.  Can cushion a fall or block a hallway or something.  10' in diameter, can be cut through with 6 slashing attacks, lasts 1d6 minutes.
50. Animate rope with the personality of a loyal dog.  50'.  Must be taught knots the way a dog must be taught tricks.

Halflings and Goblins

Halflings are all vegetarians.  If a halfling eats meat, their mental facilities decline.  They begin to behave chaotically, even insane.  They become extremely willing to sacrifice themselves for their peers.  They begin to see in the dark.  They become ravenous and obsessed with food, especially meat.   Their teeth grow sharp.  In short, they become goblins.

The baldness and green skin of a goblin isn't due to the carnivory transformation--that's just what happens when a halfling (or goblin) suffers malnutrition.

In their separate ways, goblins and halflings are both obsessed with food and predisposed to gluttony.

Explanation: Back when halflings were spacers, this was a biologically programmed stress response.  There's no occasion to eat meat in space, so meat consumption usually signified cannibalism--the direst of emergencies.  In dire times, conservative approaches are less likely to yield success than risky, innovative ones--hence the mad ingenuity of goblins.  Likewise, self-preservation must be dampened, so that a few can survive after the rest have sacrificed themselves.  And after the ship has lost power and shielding, darkvision and radiation resistance are a necessity.

Halflings give birth to single babies, which are nearly the size of human babies.  Due to their small size, this is sometimes fatal to the mother.  (Halfling pregnancies are times for both joy and worry.  It's also time to find a really good midwife.)

Goblins give birth to litters of up to twenty runty goblinspawn, and the mother always dies, and usually provides her pups with their first meal (and contributing to the perception that all goblins are male).

Explanation: This is another engineered adaption.  Normally, it was modulated with fertility drugs--but without them, the cruelest-but-perhaps-necessary adaptation was implemented.

In space, the goblinoid transformation was usually recoverable.  Crews might undergo the transformation and still retain discipline and (relative) rationality, and then be picked up years or generations later before reverting and recovering back into society.

Goblins who were once halflings remember the old days quite well, but for most goblins it is something to mock and laugh at.  "Remember back when I wore pants! *cackles, wipes a tear from corner of eye* A lark, a laugh, a dig!  Now give us the blood pudding, would you, you wretch?"

In Centerra, this is not the case, and there is a typical pattern of degeneration for halflings that grow fond of meat:

halfling --> cannibal halfling --> goblin

And while many halfling families have a cannibal uncle locked away in the attic, it's very rare (but not unknown) for an entire community to succumb to carnivory/depravity before being driven away, usually to take up residence somewhere their darkvision gives them an advantage over their pursuers (usually more halfling clans).

Perhaps as a reaction to those who would rob, rape, or otherwise take advantage of their small size, most halflings follow a brand of machismo called rontay. This attitude is most visible when they interact with people larger than them. At its best, rontay means accepting responsibility for your actions, taking care of your family, and a willingness to sacrifice. At its worst, rontay means being dismissive of women, quick to violence, and a penchant for revenge.

Don’t fuck with Halflings. Nine of them will come to your house and murder you in your sleep.

Halfings usually become adventurers to find a spouse.

Halflings are extraordinarily brave.

Halflings usually travel with a pet or animal, and bond deeply with it.  They especially like dogs, giant chickens, and bees.

Halflings are sometimes excellent cooks.

Halflings hate slavery (having been enslaved so often themselves) and many a slaver has woken up dead with a tiny dagger in his black heart.

Most people don't know that halflings and goblins are the same race.  (And in fact, many halflings have relatives in nearby goblin clans.  Yeah, it gets complicated.)  People who mention this to halflings usually get stabbed in the dick.

Halfling

• Str -, Dex +
• Small Size
• +1 to reaction checks with animals (and begin play with a loyal pet).
• +4 vs fear
• A halfling who eats a significant amount of meat must make a Con check.  Failure means that they start turning into a cannibal halfling.

Goblin or Cannibal Halfling

• Str -, Dex +
• Small Size
• +1 to reaction checks with animals
• -4 vs confusion or insanity
• Darkvision

this is what happens when they eat bacon instead of scones

*Halflings were engineered to be spacers, and consume as few resources as possible aboard a ship. Dwarves were designed to mine asteroids and certain high-G planets.  Elves are what happens when the rich bourgeoisie start enhancing their babies to be smarter, taller, and more beautiful and never really stop. And orcs are supersoldiers, of course.

Goblins:

• love machinations and traps
• don't mind dying
• sort of crazy

Orcs:

• love warfare, depending on their leader they can form:
• barbarian hordes (WAAAGH)
• tightly disciplined legions
• prefer not to die
• are hated by the gods

Random Fishmen and Prisoners

Still working on the Abominable Island, after writing its random encounter tables last time.

Fishmen
(GENERATE)

Names

1. Warbool
2. Findrek
3. Scalna
4. Possick
5. Glurb
6. Frogadee
7. Pondrule
8. Shasma
9. Glop
10. Valligog
11. Scasnigule
12. Burgifloog

Appearance

1. Lionfish
2. Blobfish
3. Anglerfish
4. Tuna
5. Barracuda
6. Shark (25% hammerhead)
7. Oranda Goldfish
8. Flounder
9. Sheepshead Wrasse
10. Squirrelfish
11. Pufferfish
12. Sea Horse

Agenda

1. To eat tasty food, especially meat pies.
2. To learn the culture of the man-things.
3. To steal secrets and hide them in waves and in coral.
4. To become royalty by eating royalty.
5. To create powerful, loyal offspring.  Will be accompanied by 1 offspring.
6. To destroy art, especially artistic treasures and famous works.
7. To prove the superiority of fishmen in all things.
8. Murder!  Pillage!  Glory!
9. To torment and children, and demean them.
10. To find a secret spot and give birth there.
11. To discover secrets for the King of Fishes.
12. To enslave all humans and take over the world.  (This may require a humble start, such as getting one human to agree to be your slave.)

Mutant Fishmen

(GENERATE)

Name

1. Glarg!
2. Flurkgle!
3. Golugg!
4. Glogg!
5. Ftaaghn!
6. Ngwek!
7. Kaugh!
8. Chublable!
9. Flaugh!
10. Urm!
11. Yogyaghk!
12. Blaugh!

Base Appearnce

(as normal fishmen)

Ancestral Back-mutation

50% chance of all mutants in a group having the same mutation(s).

50% chance that you should ignore this table and instead roll on your favorite mutation table.

1. Pharyngeal jaw (mouth inside the mouth, like in Alien).  No bonus except to maybe surprise attacks.
2. Acid spit
3. +1d6 extra limbs, if +4 limbs or more: can climb like a spider
4. Fused together (all fishmen share HP and will die simultaneously, movement may be severely hampered, one mutant may have to eat for all the rest a la human centipede, etc)
5. Luminescent, explode in flash of light when killed + save or be blind 1d6 rounds
6. Chameleon Skin
7. Translucent except for eyes, bones, and guts.
8. Carries 1d8 babies on back/pouch, each has 1 hp and +0 to hit (1 dmg).
9. Can swallow you whole, even though it's not larger than you.
10. Can burrow into soil and sand.  Eyes peek out, but is immobile.
11. Shocking touch.  Also has blindsense 30'.
12. Freakishly huge.  2x height and HP, 0.5x Intelligence.
13. Eyes shine like bullseye lanterns, even up to 1d6 hours after removal.
14. Can spray sticky eggs or semen (50% chance of each).  15' cone.  Usable once.
15. Will convincingly play dead after taking any HP damage.
16. Boneless body can squeeze through small gaps, under doors.
17. Capable of leaping 30' horizontal.  Charge attack does +1d6 damage.
18. Hard carapace.  +4 AC.  Crab claws deal 1d8 damage.
19. Hallucinogenic venom.  Bite attack causes hallucinations for 1d6 turns.
20. Madness.  This mutant behaves irrationally.  Additionally, meeting their stare (treat as a gaze attack) causes the PC to gain an insanity point.

Agenda

All mutants have the same two objectives:

1. Keep the Abominable Island clean, quiet, and beautiful.
2. Bring livers to the Egg.  (It needs iron and vitamin A to revive!)

Prisoners

(GENERATE)

Name

1. Taffy Shortshanks
2. Sappik the Bug
3. Florentine
4. Toff
5. Garrondack
6. Toothsome George
7. Hambone
8. Grandma Gobber
9. Grinny the Pig
10. Shovelhead
11. Morgum Rineheart
12. Steely the Butcher

Notable Feature

1. Shitty glass eye
2. Knife embedded in skull, too painful to remove
3. No nose
4. Rotten breath
5. Covered in tattoos
6. Missing a hand
7. Smoker, has hidden cigarettes
8. Strangely literate and well-spoken
9. Insane, nervous, always slapping at flies that only he sees
10. Can cast a level 1 spell and is quick to show it off
11. Compulsively insulting, even when he likes you
12. Weeps and snivels, will cling to most charismatic or trusting PC

Sanity

Will crack after 1d6 scenes/rooms/turns.  If you roll a 6, this particular prisoner will remain sane.  Can be calmed down, but will crack again after another 1d6 turns (with 6 again signifying long-term stability).

Incipient Madness

1. Homicidal
2. Run and Hide
3. Uncontrollable Screaming
4. Kleptomania
5. Autocannibalism
6. Retreat into a more pleasant fantasy (e.g. "I'm not in a dungeon, I'm having cookies with mum. Pass the tea, would you?")

Agenda

1. Meet up with lost friend, then escape this shit hole.
2. Find a good weapon, then escape this shit hole.
3. Get a good disguise, then escape this shit hole.
4. Build a home in this shit hole and never leave.
5. Theft, murder, and rapine.
6. Seek the Egg and taste it.

Phosma and Blue Breath Devils

Hollow Earth Theory

If you go down far enough below Centerra, you'll eventually end up in the Interior.  The planet has a central sun, which is dim and blue and cold.  It wavers in the sky, like rimless blurs of dye drifting through still water.  This star is called Phosma.

Phosma

But the interior star is only one manifestation of Phosma, the gaseous superconsciousness at the center of the planet.  It's like an ocean of incoherent thought, for the most part, but enough parts of the fragmented supersentience can cooperate to control the planet, the form of subsonic vibrations (slow) and tectonic movement (very slow).

Phosma can also control it's orbit.  It is fighting a war with its neighboring planet, Nastromar.  Also known as the Black Planet, Nastromar has been pursuing the much smaller Phosma for the last 6 billion years, seeking to destroy it.  (Nastromar has a very erratic orbit.)  Phosma has been retaliating by throwing moons at its nemesis.

At the Eye of the World, the Observatory Umbilicus (nestled in the magma like a pearl) records these subsonic vibrations of the planet.  They have built a system of magnetic superbells that they use to communicate with the planet.  The planet speaks Elvish.  It can pronounce about one word per day.

For the last six months, the planet has been repeating the same phrase, over and over again.

"I am so sorry."

Which is frustrating for those at the Observatory Umbilicus, because many of them rely on Phosma for news for Nastromar and meteor showers, and also because many of them want to know what the planet is sorry for.

Blue Breath Devils

When the gaseous mass of Phosma is disturbed, parts of it sometimes break away.  The wings of an anti-dragon plumbing the Plutonian sky, for example, might create an eddy of blue gas that whorls away.

This puff of blue gas is sentient.  Most of them immediately rejoin Phosma, but some wander away, confused and alone, where they eventually develop their own names, personalities, and agendas.

In Centerra, they are known as blue breath devils.  They float around (a la gaseous form) but are incapable of doing much, except (a) suck the air out of your lungs or (b) enter your lungs and control your brain.

Blue Breath Devils usually hate each other.  Powerful devils can absorb smaller ones (Bigger HD absorbs the smaller HD one), but they can also remix themselves: trading memories and skills.

Not having bodies, they usually study magic.  You'll hardly ever find one 'naked'--they're usually found possessing a choice humanoid--either a burly barbarian or a local ruler.

They are known to the Church (who categorize them among the Devils).

In the frozen south, Blue Breath Devils secretly rule most of the viking clans and fortified city-states.  Urbanized devils sometimes work together toward broader agendas.

Stats

HD 4 or higher
AC 8 (+ gaseous form effects)
Mv fly at walking speed
*Cast spells as a wizard of their HD, in any form

**Breathing is not possible while within their cloud (~10' for a 4 HD breath devil) and creatures that enter the cloud must make a Con check to avoid inhaling tiny bits.  Failure means that they are immobilized for 1d6 rounds as devil-magic lifts them a couple of feet off the ground, and they take 1d6 damage for each round they remain in the cloud as tiny claws rake their lungs to shreds.

***They can attempt to possess a creature by forcing themselves into its lungs.  This requires the creature to fail a Constitution check.  Once inside the lungs, the devil can take over the brain by forcing a Save on their turn, while the PC can cough them out by making a Con check with a -4 penalty.  While possessing a creature, they have a breath attack (usable 1/hour, 15' cone) that causes the targets to be lost while they relive their memories.  To break free from this effect, the PC must describe one of their memories and fail an intelligence check (dumber PCs break free from their memories easier).  They can attempt this once per turn.  Possessed creatures' eyes turn blue.  If a possessed creature is forced totally underwater, they get a new save each turn to expel the blue breath devil.